This is a new theme day here at 100b. Those Zany Charts is a bi-weekly free for all for whichever of us is doing the write up. Depending on who’s writing and what they feel like focusing on, you could be witness to any of the following: A rant about the charts. Looking into a type of music in the charts or a specific genre’s chart. What’s interesting in charts other than the U.S. or U.K. In a nutshell, it’s a theme day, so it’s potluck as long as we stick to the theme.

I never really watch the MTVs, VH1s, etc anymore and don’t often listen to radio featuring Top 40. As a result, I realized I don’t really have a grasp on who’s lighting up the charts and getting airplay. Anymore, most of my knowledge of the musical landscape comes from blogs and word of mouth and tends to lean towards the indie and underground more often than not. (Yes, I know I sound a bit like those people that don’t watch television because it’s for idiots. Fuck that, I love television. I just don’t watch music television much anymore.)

So, to get in touch with the current charts, I decided to buy five singles appearing on the U.S. Billboard singles chart. I currently split my time between the U.K. and The Netherlands, so this means the U.S. charts are slightly different for me. The first problem I encountered? What the hell are these charts? No, seriously, what do they mean?

Example.

The Billboard Hot 100. This clearly looks to be the overall singles chart, because Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” is sitting at #1. But, then, what is the Billboard Pop 100? If you compare the Hot and Pop 100s, they look pretty much the same. I gave up trying to figure it out today and decided to dive into the Hot 100. Well, actually, the Hot 50. You need to subscribe to view the complete current Top 100. I’m not going to subscribe just to see 50 more songs that’ll probably bum me out (you’ll understand that snooty comment by the end of this).

U.S. Billboard Hot 100

  •   #2  Timbaland ft Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake, “Give It To Me”
            Last wk #1, Peak #1, 11 wks on chart

      #6  Gwen Stefani, “The Sweet Escape”
            Last wk #5, Peak #2, 19 wks on chart

    I ain’t buying either of these here two singles today. I’ve already got both of the albums. I haven’t listened to Shock Value yet and, if I’m honest, the totality of The Sweet Escape is a wee disappointing. These two tracks, though, are solid. It’s nice to know I have unique tastes like everyone else.

    Five purchases to go.

      #8  Mims, “This Is Why I’m Hot”
            Last wk #6, Peak #1, 14 wks on chart

    Based on the iTunes preview, I downloaded this one. Mims’ lyrics and style aren’t anything special. However, it’s worth it for the mid-track shifts to different recognizable regional hip hop beats. Catchy.

    Four purchases to go.

      #10 Gym Class Heroes ft Patrick Stump, “Cupid’s Chokehold”
            Last wk #9, Peak #4, 16 wks on chart

    I enjoyed the Download.com “Papercuts” and “Taxi Driver” freebies off the 2005 The Papercut Chronicles, so it was nice to see them break and I bought this album yonks ago. This is an excellent tune with an instrumental hip hop twist. Whenever I hear it, I end up singing the ‘bah-da-da’ bit over and over and over, making myself and anyone within earshot crazy.

      #11 Carrie Underwood, “Before He Cheats”
            Last wk #15, Peak #11, 34 wks on chart

    Apparently, using the word hoes is bad in hip hop, but it’s fine for Carrie Underwood to sing weak ass country about ripping and smashing her man’s car to pieces because he cheated on her. Must be because this hoe ain’t nappy. … And why has all life and tasty stuff been leached out of popular country? Prosecution Exhibit A: Martina McBride (#32). Exhibit B: Rascal Flatts (#50). This is just not country to me.

      #24 Justin Timberlake, “What Goes Around”
            Last wk #16, Peak #1, 20 wks on chart

    Already done gave brother Justin the nod by purchasing FutureSex/LoveSounds some time back. His big return was reason enough.

    Damn it! Still four tracks to buy.

      #29 UNK, “2 Step”
            Last wk #29, Peak #29, 11 wks on chart

    Sigh. As much as I enjoy gettin’ crunked, “2 Step” and “Walk It Out” (#42) both strike me as very plain and too similar. Crunk is becoming the new country.

      #36 DJ Khaled, “We Takin’ Over”
            Last wk #45, Peak #36, 4 wks on chart

    A typical Terror Squad type offering, but DJ Khaled ft T.I., Akon, Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Lil’ Wayne, and Baby was finally a single I was going buy. Note, I said going to buy. Couldn’t. It’s not available in the U.K. yet because the music industry can’t pull its thumb out, resolve international copyrights, and get things released worldwide more quickly. If they wanted to, they could. So, this one’ll have to wait for a few weeks, I guess.

That’s it. I bought one single I didn’t already have and those I did have were really the only worthwhile songs there. I didn’t want to be too much of a music snob going into this write up, but this spin through the Billboard Hot 100 (nee 50) made me feel like one.

What else did I learn upon my return after being as close to oblivious to the current chart toppers as I’ve ever been?

That Daughtry (#20 “It’s Not Over” and #23 “Home”) sound a helluva lot like Linkin Park (#17 “What I’ve Done”) who sound very close to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (#26 “Face Down”) which strike me as close enough to Hinder (#31 “Better Than Me”) than is necessary. “This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race” by Fall Out Boy is the best of the lot and has dropped down to #49 now after peaking at #2 during its 14 week run.

That R. Kelly is almost a parody of himself, which at least sort of makes him funny in a sideshow freak sort of way. But, not funny enough to warrant spending money on the singles he’s current fronting or featured in.

That 50 Cent’s got a new album. It’s called Rich Boy (#33 “Throw Some D’s”).

Well, there’s always next time.