So do you guys watch The Apprentice (UK version, of course – no Donald Trump for me, thank you very much)? I started watching a few years ago when I couldn’t find anything else on TV one night. Initially, I found the tasks themselves the most interesting part – I was fascinated by the way these seemingly simple tasks were just tiny versions of ‘big business’. Of course then you start rooting for someone – or against others – and it’s all over, you’re hooked.
I’m sure it goes without saying that part of the fun of these shows is in marveling at the complete uselessness of the contestants. Seriously – who doesn’t know how to wash a car? I’ve never owned a car in my life, but even I know that you don’t rinse down the outside with the doors open! And how could you think that toga-wearing waiters at a fancy company get-together won’t just make you look like idiots?! How some of these people got to their nonsense positions (have you ever wondered what some of those job titles actually mean? It’s exhausting!) with absolutely no common sense, I’ll never understand.
Because, of course, they know all the right business buzz words/phrases. They never actually say anything, but they know just the right way to say it. (It makes you wonder how, after watching four series worth of contestants getting smacked down by Sir Alan Sugar for exactly that, these people never seem to re-think that strategy.)
Which brings me to my idea: Apprentice Bad Movie Bingo. Bad Movie Bingo is a game I came across a few months ago and which aDawgg and I enjoyed immensely. It’s basically bingo, but each square is a very cleverly observed cliche typical of really dumb movies (example: “Huge public event is ruined”). If you enjoy poking fun at crappy movies like we do, this is the game for you, and it barely costs a thing. (100b is not affiliated in any way with Bad Movie Bingo, we just like it a lot. Go buy it.)
And since the game includes an easy way to make your own bingo cards, why not make a special Apprentice version? There’s the often-repeated game-show phrases: ‘I’m in it to win it’, ‘I’m not here to make friends’, ‘That’s why I will be the next Apprentice’ (preceded by completely unproven claims of excellence). And then there’s the nonsense business words and phrases which are usually just thrown around with no context whatsoever: ‘increase revenue’, ‘build customer base’, ‘the drive to deliver’, etc.*
And my all-time most irritating business-speak phrase: ‘At the end of the day’. It has been so painfully over-used that it no longer means anything, it’s now just a filler phrase like ‘know what I mean?’. So of course that would have to be an Apprentice Bingo square. And if the same contestant says “at the end of the day” five times in one episode (highly probable)? It’s a wild card, obviously, giving you the chance to pick any square you like, so try to keep up and don’t lose count!
* I’m sorry, but impactful is not a real word.