Two weeks ago Bean and I went to see The Dodos play. They were amazing and the new songs are spectacular live. So the whole experience was wonderful; great band, great company, great venue … Except for one thing, the guy standing next to me had ehm, terrible BO. I don’t know how to put it delicately but it was very unpleasant. Bean stood on the other side and turned to me at one point and asked, does that guy smell like cat pee? He did. This brings me to the following: Concert etiquette. It’s a common subject among music bloggers, but I have specific concert moments that illustrate the need for these unwritten rules. I’m not trying to take the rawness and Rock ‘n Roll out of the concert experience, but we all pay good money to see our favorite bands, so let’s all try to do our bit to make the night fun for everyone, that includes the person standing next to you. It doesn’t take much either, sometimes it’s as small as using deodorant. So I came up with ten things I’ve learned in my years of concert going, using real-life examples. In case you were wondering, the following things have actually happened to me:
1. Cat pee guy, for real man, Axe it up a little. A must for any concertgoer, even if you’ve had your sweat glands surgically removed, it might not have took. So please, be it stick or spray, cleanse them pits.
2. Then there was the guy who decided it’d be funny to serenade his friend as loudly as he could, of course all right in front of me. I don’t mind people singing along, I encourage it even. I love when the audience participates, but the room was quiet otherwise. You know when you give that exasperated, knowing nod to your fellow bus passengers when some insane person tries to start a fight with the driver because he thinks his grocery receipt could double as a bus pass? That’s what I got from every person around me, it made me start laughing hysterically because it was so surreal. I came to see The Magic Numbers sing “Wheels On Fire” not some preppy dude who had one too many appletinis.
3. What I learned from the man who played air drums at the Black Keys concert: I’m a big fan of people playing invisible instruments, but try to keep the injuries to the people around you to a minimum.
4. To everyone who still uses flash to take pictures at concerts. All your highlighting are the pretty heads of hair in front of you, so what the dilly yo?
5. I’m reluctant to say this but it has to be said. The dry-humping couple at the festival while we were waiting for Interpol to come out. Don’t do that. Not ever. Not while humans with eyes are right there. Thank you on behalf of people.
6. Then there are the groups of people who decide that a concert would be a great place to catch up on what their buddy’s been up to since they came back from backpacking through Central Asia. Loudly. You may not care for that particular song, but others do. I’m sure your lives are oh-so-interesting, but take it outside, go to a bar, leave. Do not try to yell over the music, because you’re not the only one doing that and the only thing that should be deafening is the band on stage, not your shrieking self.
7. Support the support band. I’m sure they know that you didn’t come to see them and their awesome beat poetry act. You don’t have to like it, but do the neighborly thing and have a little respect. This is their big night too. There IS an addendum: there are support bands that are so disgustingly arrogant (and not in a good way, see the band who supported Maximo Park two years ago. Oh yeah, I’m naming names.) and practically bending backwards to kiss their own behinds, in spite of their generic sound, that you cannot help but want to bring them down a peg. Then by all means, roll your eyes and withhold your claps. That’ll teach ‘em.
8. To the super drunk / high girl who tried to clumsily and wobbly dance with the embarrassed and puzzled guy in front of me: As you were. I loved when the guy turned to me and my friend and asked whether we knew her. We did not, but that shiz was hilarious. Though I really wish she hadn’t stomped on both my feet. Twice. I would love to know how much she remembered from that night the next morning.
9. When you come in late, don’t try to push your way forward aggressively and stand in front of the people who came early to get a nice spot because they’re vertically challenged (not me, I’m tall and majestic like a giraffe … yeah that’s a lie). I feel kind of bad for the guy who forced himself on top of the step I was standing on during a Kings Of Leon concert a few years ago. We didn’t find out until after the concert that we – Bean, aDawgg and myself – had all decided to teach that fool a lesson. We triple-teamed him and we didn’t even know it. Yes, it’s crowded, yes I had a nice spot, but he was really, really rude about it and he was tall. So whenever there was clapping we “accidentally” smacked and pushed him a little bit … I also may have stood on his heel, okay heels … but I will deny that on the stand. Needless to say, we won back our territory. Hey man, it’s a jungle out there.
10. If you absolutely have to crowd-surf to get that ultimate rawk high, then fine. But I think it was at a Datsuns’ concert, immediately after a shoe hit my head, that I found out that crowd surfing is really only fun for the surfer, not the crowd. Oh and I can’t help it, but I still think it’s really, really, really funny whenever the audience decides to split like the Red Sea when someone leaps off stage … right into the void. Hee.
OK that’s all for now, but we’re going to go see Patrick Wolf next week (woohoo!), so I’ll let you know if I learn anything new …
Filed under: Music, Some Other Stuff
