Ho-ho-holy crap, can you believe how warm it still is at this time of year? There may be a distinct lack of frost, sleighs and snowmen and I haven’t once put on thermal socks, but it still is coming on the holiday season, which means it’s time for 100bells!

This song is as undrippy as a Christmas song can get with lyrics like “I wrecked your daddy’s car and went down on your mother” – sung by Cyndi Lauper, no less! Maybe not the most Christmassy of sentiments, but just focus on the jolly bells and the happy tunes if you’re disturbed by the images conjured up by the words. I never thought The Hives and one of my fave eighties icons would pair up but pair up they did and the result is as entertaining and cheery as I expected, but with a slightly disturbing twist. In one word: Santastic. Yeh … I really just said that and I’m sticking with it.

“Santa Baby” is my all-time favorite Christmas song, and nobody can do it like Eartha Kitt did. Many have tried, but I’ve never heard a version that can even touch the original. The wonderful Ms. Kitt strikes the most perfect balance between sweet and girly and totally slutty – something young female pop artists are still trying to do today. Recorded in 1953, “Santa Baby” is both a pop and a Christmas classic.

   Eartha Kitt – Santa Baby

Sick of sappy Christmas songs? Here’s what should be a Yuletide Classic, The Kinks’ wonderful “Father Christmas”. Do not, however, let any small children hear this song, because the whole magic Santa myth is dispelled in the first two lines of the song. On top of that, Santa is mugged for cash by a bunch of kids, who sing the sad, yet upbeat chorus. They cry out that their dad is out of work and that instead of ’silly toys’, they could really use the money … or a machine gun. The idea that we should remember those less fortunate is all the more appropiate during this credit crunchy Christmas. Not to diminish those with truly serious financial problems, but who isn’t less fortunate these days?

I love that the album cover is basically a graphic illustration of the song. Check out, what looks like, little Dave Davies(?) about to punch good ole Saint Nick! If it wasn’t so violent, it’d be cute.

   The Kinks – Father Christmas

So, no New Band Day yesterday I hear you scream? What can I say? I was busy and distracted. But, you’ve gotten a 100best featuring Pearl Jam and two 100bells posts. And now you get another cheerful rining of the 100bells to brighten up the holiday season.

Well, actually, I don’t know if this particular 100bells will make festive anyone’s holiday season. However, it’s very Dickensesque in it’s ability to wrap depression around a grain of hope. Woo-hoo! A recipe for any exciting holiday get together!

Celebrate Christmas with the legends of garage rock, The Dirtbombs!

   The Dirtbombs – My Last Christmas

It probably won’t grace any respectable Christmas Mix, but how would you recognize a really good christmas song – like the one posted below – if there weren’t hideous little gems like these? My absolute favorite line is: Funky, dope jam top on your christmas list, do you dig this?. Oh and, what on earth does ‘we’re gonna kick the ballistics off our christmas wishes’ mean!?

   New Kids On The Block – Funky Funky Christmas

For a live performance of this song with awesome early nineties dance moves – check out the video. As a special bonus Arsenio Hall raps along in the end. Hooo boy, I still cannot believe I came across this highly significant moment in music!

To round up their EP spree, The Raveonettes have released this year’s first Christmas delight, “Wishing You A Rave Christmas”. As we discovered with their 2003 b-side, “The Christmas Song”, this holiday suits these two perfectly. They know exactly how to make their smutty fuzz sparkle, like their normal sound just got a fresh layer of glittery snow. Ring in the holiday season with “Come On Santa” below, and download the whole EP at emusic now.

   The Raveonettes – Come On Santa

Put some funk back in your season cheer with Snoop and his friends. 100b wishes you a wonderful Christmas with this mellow number off the Christmas On Death Row CD.

   Snoop Dogg ft. Dat Nigga Daz, Nate Dogg, Tray Deee & Bad Azz – Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto

Filthy Little Angels’ elves have been hard at work to bring you this year’s albums filled with Christmas songs by various unsigned bands. Go on over to their site and unwrap the 60 tracks they have up for free. Thank you Filthy Little Santa!

For a taste of the Filth check out ShiSho’s sweet cover of Sufjan Stevens’ C-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-s gem. I have a weak spot for ShiSho so I’m biased, but I think I might like their version better than the original. The second song is The Housewives’ cute, but pervy rendition of an old Christmas favorite of mine.

   ShiSho – Get Behind Me Santa
   The Housewives – I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I never understood why Wham!’s “Last Christmas” is so popular, because I thought that had to be the most depressing Christmas song. Then the other day I came across a serious contender for the title. In your right hand corner we present John Denver’s “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)”!! They always say the suicide rate goes up during the Holidays and I have a feeling this song had something to do with it. It’s about an eight-year-old who pleads to his dad to not repeat his Seasonal Souse Fest, because he doesn’t want to see his momma cry. Most depressing line: ‘You came home at a quarter past eleven, fell down underneath our Christmas tree’. Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas!

   John Denver – Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)
]]> http://onehundredb.com/2007/12/15/100bells-most-depressing-christmas-song/feed/ 0 Tam http://onehundredb.com/2007/12/14/those-zany-charts-100bells-edition/ http://onehundredb.com/2007/12/14/those-zany-charts-100bells-edition/#comments Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:38:03 +0000 Bean http://onehundredb.com/2007/12/14/those-zany-charts-100bells-edition/ ]]> For those who don’t know, the Christmas Number 1 single is a really big deal in the UK. I have no idea why but the single at Number 1 on Christmas Day is a extra special spot to hold and it’s (as far as I know) unique to the UK. Looking at this list, I see that most of the songs that have had this special honor have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.

Traditionally, the Christmas Number 1 is something a little sappy, or maybe some novelty song aimed at children … alright, let’s just be honest. They’re usually pretty crappy songs. Check out the 1996-1998: The Spice Girls held that all-important spot for three years in a row and they were perfectly capable of a decent bubblegum hit but those are all of their worst songs. There’s some pretty weird songs in there as well. I just don’t know how else to say it – these are just do not go well with the warm and fuzzies that Christmas is supposed to bring.

1975 & 1991 Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody

“Mama, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.” Ah, yes – the traditional murder ballad. Granted, “Bohemian Rhapsody” is pure genius and a classic – and loved enough to be the Christmas Number 1 twice (thanks to Wayne’s World). But it’s still an odd song to be humming over your eggnog.

1979 Pink Floyd – Another Brick In The Wall

I guess anytime is a good time to Stick It To The Man. Still, it seems a little less powerful if you think about it as the soundtrack to crazed shoppers snapping up bargains in a frenzied mall.

1981 The Human League – Don’t You Want Me

I’ll just admit I don’t quite know what’s going on in this song/video. The song is, apparently, based on the movie A Star Is Born, which I’ve never seen. The, erm, ‘concept’ of the video is the making of a murder mystery movie. Interesting. Based solely on the lyrics, it seems there was some chick and some guy – he made her into a success somehow, then she dumped him. Now nobody wants anyone. Or something. (I’ll also admit that I didn’t try extra hard to follow the lyrics.) In any case, the wikipedia says that Human League lead singer Philip Oakey described “Don’t You Want Me” as “a nasty song about sexual power politics”. And everyone knows there’s nothing more Christmassy than sexual power politics.

After those oddities, here’s something actually Christmassy.

1984 Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas?

And then again …

1989 Band Aid II – Do They Know It’s Christmas?
(Kind of crappy quality video, it’s the best I could find.)

Oh wait, there’s one more …

2004 Band Aid 20 – Do They Know It’s Christmas?

All sarcasm aside, this is the only Christmas Number 1 I really approve of – the 1984 original anyway. It’s actually a seasonal song, so that helps. It’s definitely a little lame, but the whole Band Aid thing kind of gives you a feeling of goodwill in the world, when you think about that kind of thing happening for the first time. We’re so cynical now, but Band Aid was a good thing, and mostly done by people who made the effort because they knew someone had to. I’m not so sure that’s true of the later versions but even mentioning that misses the point of the song. Yes, I get a little choked up and I don’t care if that makes me a sucker.

So what will this year’s Number 1 be? Any guesses?