Category Archive

If the Zany Charts seem extra zany and jumbly today it’s because, to us in the know, it’s Bean’s birthday! Let’s celebrate with the song that was all the rage in the year she was born. When she first saw the light of day, it’s very likely she might have heard the incredible, poppy sounds of Blondie urging the world to call them, since it was the number one song of the year. It was written for the movie American Gigolo, starring a very young Richard Gere as the highest paid lover in Beverly Hills.

   Blondie - Call Me

The tiny Bean sprout might also have come across the song while watching the Muppet Show with aDawgg, a mere puppy back then. They left out the verse about rolling around in designer sheets, but it’s still the Muppets and Debbie Harry rocking out for the kids to a song about a man-whore, which is just a little bit disturbing:

Lastly, a very special, non-zany chart related, but super festive clip that means a lot to our generation. It’s also a good reminder of why the upcoming “new” Beverly Hills 90210 *barf* could never EVER live up to the old classics. Take it away, Lavoiiine!

Due to a tummyache and some general uckiness yesterday, I put Those Zany Charts off until today. I’d already decided to write about the most expensive videos ever made and started doing the research so I’d be ready to write it up today.

I found this wikipedia list and got ready to go find those videos on youtube. Which is when I discovered that someone’s already written my post, and they did a way better job than I had planned to do. Sigh.

If you’re interested in the most absurdly expensive videos ever made, and what exactly made them cost so damn much, go here:

Crazy Topic: 10 Most Expensive Music Videos

And marvel at how you barely remember most of them.

Except for Missy Elliot, she’s badass and her videos (especially around that time) were always pretty awesome.

   Missy Elliot - She’s A Bitch

Who’s leading the ENTIRE world in singles sales this week? And, I mean WHOLE WORLD!

Thanks to the magic of the Interweb, we know, with at least a moderate degree of certainty. According to the German hit watchers at Media Traffic (which I have to say might be a bit dodgy based on their site), the United World Chart has this week’s Top 5 worldwide singles hits as …

   1.Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love (four weeks at the worldwide #1 spot)
   2. Madonna - 4 Minutes (ft Justin Timberlake)
   3. Mariah Carey - Touch My Body
   4.Flo Rida - Low (ft T-Pain)
   5. OneRepublic - Stop And Stare

Lewis has blown-up da jernt since winning 2006 edition of The X Factor and, strangely enough, I’m actually glad she’s doing as well as she is.

And what about this week’s albums around the world?

   1. R.E.M., Accelerate
   2. Exile, Exile Catchy Best
   3. George Strait, Troubadour
   4. Aiko, Himitsu
   5. Vasco Rossi, Il Mondo Che Vorrei

R.E.M. No surprise there. But, I gotta say, Aiko must be mad loved in Japan to make an appearance on the world charts. Unless there is a serious underground market for pop music from Nippon.

Curious about what the Top 5 ALL TIME albums are accordingly to the United World Chart?

   1. Michael Jackson, Thriller
   2. Eagles, Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975
   3. Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin IV
   4. Pink Floyd, The Dark Side Of The Moon
   5. Fleetwood Mac, Rumours

That’s it for Those Zany Charts … this week. Until then, keep those charts alive.

There would be no charts and therefore no Zany Charts if Billboard hadn’t made the glorious and innovative decision to document America’s best selling records in a handy weekly list simply named the Best Selling Retail Records 68 years ago. Now Billboard hosts about a gajillion charts selected by theme and genre, it boggles the mind. The Forties were a simpler time, there was only one chart that gave the readers the most popular records in one glimpse. Every self-respecting music magazine all over the world has followed suit since then, and has given us the opportunity to poke fun, scrutinize, and analyze these lists of songs. But it all started with this first chart from the 27th of July 1940.

1 Tommy Dorsey with Frank Sinatra & The Pied Pipers - I’ll Never Smile Again
2 Jimmy Dorsey with Bob Eberly - The Breeze And I
3 Glenn Miller with Ray Eberle - Imagination
4 Kay Kyser with Sully Mason/Trio - Playmates
5 Glenn Miller with Ray Eberle - Fools Rush In
6 Charlie Barnet with Mary Ann McCall - Where Was I?
7 Glenn Miller - Pennsylvania 6-5000
8 Tommy Dorsey with Frank Sinatra - Imagination
9 Bing Crosby - Sierra Sue
10 Mitchell Ayres with Mary Ann Mercer - Make-Believe Island

It’s a regular Big Band-a-palooza! With the exception of Bing Crosby these songs are all credited to the, then extremely popular, conductors and their orchestras. Now the vocalists take center stage, but back then the Big Band conductor was the one that got top billing. This is why different versions of “Imagination” can occur in the same chart. I wonder if there was any rivalry between those that favored the Tommy Dorsey version and the Glenn Miller fans. I imagine Big Band Offs, where the two groups would stand across from each other with their record players and play the different songs while heckling the other side. The sweet and dreamy “I’ll Never Smile Again”, was a huge hit. It topped the charts for 12 whole weeks, but it was only one of forty songs the twenty-five year old Frank Sinatra recorded with Tommy Dorsey. My favorite song here is “Pennsylvania 6-5000″, I LOVE everything about it. It’s to Big Band what The Champs’ “Tequila” is to Rock ‘n Roll, but with the added bonus of a ringing phone.

It’s been a while since we looked at the current singles charts, so I thought we’d check out the UK Top 100 Singles this week. But yeah, the Top 10 was pretty dull. How about we look at the chart’s new entries? Here’s a few of the most interesting singles to hit the chart for the first time this week:

#15 We Are Scientists - After Hours

I’m not a huge We Are Scientists fan, but their singles are always catchy as hell. And they’re always good for a laugh. Plus, dogs are funny.

#30 The Futureheads - The Beginning Of The Twist

I am, however, a massive Futureheads fan. I wasn’t too impressed when this first started playing - it felt like maybe they’d lost some punch. But “The Beginning Of The Twist” worms its way into your brain pretty quickly and by the end of that first listen, I loved it. Like most Futureheads singles, despite my initial reaction, this has anthem written all over it. Plus, it’s always nice to see one of your favorite bands do well in the charts.

#48 Mystery Jets - Young Love

Hmm, I actually thought the Mystery Jets broke up. Shows how on top of things I am. Anyway, this is a lovely single. Absolutely charming. I can’t claim to know how this compares to other Mystery Jets songs - I only know a couple of their songs - but I’m quite taken with this. What a great sound to have floating about as Spring finally starts to break through the grey.

#72 Estelle ft. Kanye West - American Boy

(There’s no proper video available on youtube that I could find, but at least you can check out the song)

Is Kayne West secretly King Midas? Everything that man touches is pure gold. This doesn’t seem like much because it’s so simple - an unpretentious 70s disco feel with an irresistible chorus - but that’s exactly what makes it so good. Sometimes less most definitely is more - I’ve heard it once and I’m still happily humming it to myself.

#88 Manic Street Preachers - Umbrella

And we have a winner. The mark of a truly great pop song (or any song, actually) is if someone can come along and move it to a completely different genre and it’s still awesome. This Manic Street Preachers cover of last year’s massive Rihanna hit is Flippin’ Sweet.

Look at that. There’s enough good stuff in the singles chart this week that I made it through the whole thing without making fun of anyone. That’s nice.

As everyone well knows, the Oscars were dished out last Sunday. Which got me thinking about the Oscar Best Song winners that reached #1 in the U.S. charts. Thanks to the wild and wonderful Intertubes, here are the Academy Award-winning Best Original Songs that have reached #1 since 1955, the year Billboard created the Hot 100. (Beware: A few songs are listed that didn’t quite manage to eek out #1. These are included because they came so damned close.)

1956 - “Whatever Will Be Will Be (Que Sera, Sera)” (The Man Who Knew Too Much) just missed out on reaching the top spot, but managed to peak at #2 and garners a mention because it takes more than a decade before …

1969 - “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head” (Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid)

With the dawn of the 1970s, the Oscar winning original song really begins to make its presence felt, beginning with the Isaac Hayes classic.

1971 - “Theme From Shaft” (Shaft)
1972 - “The Morning After” (The Poseidon Adventure)
1973 - “The Way We Were” (The Way We Were)
1976 - “Evergreen” (A Star Is Born)
1977 - “You Light Up My Life” (You Light Up My Life)
1980 - “Fame” (Fame)

“You Light Up My Life” saw a Debby Boone version which not only topped the charts in 1977 but went on to become one of the biggest selling singles of the decade. “Fame” tried to song and dance its way the top spot but ultimately stalled at #4.

Then we hit the Mother of All Movie Theme Song decades. The big, bad, bold 1980s. Winning the Oscar for Best Original Song was like a free pass to a #1 hit.

1981 - “Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do)” (Arthur)
1982 - “Up Where We Belong” (An Officer And A Gentleman)
1983 - “Flashdance … What A Feeling” (Flashdance)
1984 - “I Just Called To Say I Love You” (The Woman In Red)
1985 - “Say You, Say Me” (White Nights)
1986 - “Take My Breath Away” (Top Gun)
1987 - “(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life” (Dirty Dancing)

The 1990 Best Original Song winner, Madonna’s “Sooner Or Later” from Dick Tracy missed out on potential chart success after being pulled as a single in favor of the controversial “Justify My Love”. The four-year drought was broken when Disney rained on Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” parade with …

1992 - “A Whole New World” (Aladdin)

Having shanked Houston’s record-breaker, “A Whole New World” would succumb after only a single week at #1 to the tour de force known as Snow and his signature “Informer” (lick your boom-boom down).

Again four years pass before Ms. Dion dropped the ubiquitous single for James Cameron’s epic.

1997 - “My Heart Will Go On” (Titantic)

And, yet another four year lull in chart success! Then, the Academy finally acknowledges the existence of hip hop by awarding its, then, bad boy, Eminem an Oscar.

2002 - “Lose Yourself” (8 Mile)

Since “Lose Yourself” we’ve seen the 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 and now 2007 Awards come and go without Oscar seeing singular chart success.

Huzzah! Those Zany Charts …

I was actually looking for the songs that are most frequently used in movies, but so far I haven’t come across an accurate list yet. I always wonder who picks the songs for some of these movies, because if “Respect” comes on during another female empowerment scene, in yet another chick flick, I swear I’m gonna switch genders. I might come back to the most overused songs later, but it needs some digging around. Instead, let’s have a look at the songs that topped the American Film Institute’s list of best songs featured in movies.

1. “Over the Rainbow”, The Wizard of Oz (1939)
2. “As Time Goes by”, Casablanca (1942)
3. “Singin’ in the Rain”, Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
4. “Moon River”, Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)
5. “White Christmas”, Holiday Inn (1942)
6. “Mrs. Robinson”, The Graduate (1967)
7. “When You Wish Upon a Star”, Pinocchio(1940)
8. “The Way We Were”, The Way We Were (1973)
9. “Stayin’ Alive”, Saturday Night Fever (1977)
10. “The Sound of Music”, The Sound Of Music (1965)

Mmm, dusty. The majority of songs on the AFI’s list of a hundred are from long before Tom Hanks was known as more than just ‘the curly haired one from Bosom Buddies’. It seems, the more we get to the top of the chart the older the tunes get, but I guess it has to have the weight of many years of success and reverence by the general public to truly earn the title of classic, at least according to the AFI. Most of these songs set a mood of sad reflection or hope for the future. So if you want to write a hit movie song be sure it will sound good over a close up of a pondering Barbara Streisand, a jubilant Julie Andrews, or a sullen Humphrey Bogart.

Here are two bands that proof that a truly great songs will always be celebrated:

   Happy Mondays - Stayin’ Alive
   The Flaming Lips - Over The Rainbow

Let’s have a look at one hit wonders today. The most commonly used meaning of a “one hit wonder” is someone who has come to be known for just the one song, although they may have had some chart success with other releases. We all know loads of these and some of them made truly classic pop songs: The Knack’s “My Sharona”, The Buggles’ “Video Killed The Radio Star”, Sugarhill Gang’s “Rapper’s Delight”, Dee-Lite’s “Groove Is In The Heart”, and (as we learned last week) Digable Planets’ “Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat)”.

Other definitions of the term exclude artists who ended up having a full, healthy career, despite having only one single in the charts. I want to look at this the other way around. I’m curious about artists who have come to be recognized as great or influential - or whose songs are now so well known, you’d swear they had a hit every week - but still only ever had one chart hit. This does get a little tricky, because there are a good number of artists who had only one popular song in the US but were much more popular in the UK, and vice versa. Plus, some of these artists may have hits in the more specific genre-based charts, but only one in the mainstream pop singles chart (based on Top 40 hits). But this being a short exercise in curiosity and not an in-depth research article, we’ll just have to work around those things. Here’s just a handful I picked out:

#20, 1968: The Jimi Hendrix Experience - All Along The Watchtower

The Jimi Hendrix Experience had a good number of hits in the UK, and did pretty well in the US albums chart, but only this one lonely singles hit in the US which only made it to a measly #20. Pretty surprising, since Hendrix was pretty much considered a visionary guitar god even in his own time.

#1, 1971: Janis Joplin - Me And Bobby McGee

A couple of her albums did pretty well in the US, but she never did have a charting release in the UK.

#10, 1973: T. Rex - Bang A Gong (Get It On)

Marc Bolan and his fellow bandmates only reached #10 once in the States, but had 15 Top 20 hits in the UK, four of which were #1 hits. I guess the Americans just didn’t get on board with the whole glam thing like the British did.

#16, 1973: Lou Reed - Walk On The Wild Side

Lou Reed, despite being godfather to all sorts of genres today, has done rather dismally, chart-wise, on both sides of the pond. “Walk On The Wild Side” made it to #10 in the UK and a slightly lower #16 in the States.

#14, 1980: Devo - Whip It

Devo had a slighter better presence in the lower depths of the UK charts than the US, but “Whip It” didn’t even chart over here. Luckily, Americans liked at least that one single and gave Devo their only hit.

#33, 1999: Ol’ Dirty Bastard ft Kelis - Got Your Money

Of course this wasn’t Kelis’ only or even biggest hit, but it was the ODB’s one solo success before his death in 2004.

Obviously, there are more recent examples — Cornershop - “Brimful Of Asha (Norman Cook Remix)” (1998), Eels - “Novocaine For The Soul” (1996), The Cardigans - “Lovefool” (1997) — but it’s a little too soon to really call any of these bands true one hit wonders. By the very nature of those fickle pop charts, you just never know when they might hit it big again.

Happy New Year everybody! 2007 was named Year Of The Dolphin by the United Nations Environment Programme, it was Year Of The Pig in the Chinese calendar and, my favorite, European Year Of Equal Opportunities For All! I didn’t know years got themes, is that new? I like it, it sounds like a communist hippie came up with it. I have no idea what they thought was going to happen after they gave the year such a magnificent moniker. I don’t think anybody else knew the EU thought up themes for us either, so I have a feeling that we didn’t get more equal opportunities than other years, but it’s a nice sentiment. This year’s theme is Intercultural Dialogue! Right … or as they say in Swahili: Vizuri. Anyway, it’s still a little early for nostalgia, but let’s have a look at the songs that rocked our world last year.

Here’s the World’s Top Ten most popular singles of 2007 according to the United World Chart:

10. Mika - Grace Kelly
9. Plain White T’s - Hey There Delilah
8. Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around Comes Around
7. Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
6. Timbaland ft. Keri Hilson & D.O.E. - The Way I Are
5. Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder
4. Gwen Stefani Ft. Akon - Sweet Escape
3. Fergie - Big Girls Don’t Cry
2. Nelly Furtado - Say It Right
1. Rihanna ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella

All in all a good bunch! I do however have an inherent aversion to Fergie and Avril Lavigne’s lyrics are so painfully bad that it hurts me a little to listen to it. Oh and, “Hey There Delilah” makes me yawn. It’s monotonous and dreary, there’s no change in mood or pace, but it’s good music for pondering life, or ending it. Alright I’m sorry, I started out positive but it turned into a bitter moan fest. The rest really is testimony that 2007 was not a bad year in Pop music, maybe a bit unadventurous, but not bad at all. We got Mika who sounds like a Bee Gee channeling Freddy Mercury with “Grace Kelly”. And there’s Gwen Stefani who shows a hint of Kylie post-Neighbours with “Sweet Escape”. It doesn’t touch Gwen’s best work, but it is sweet. I didn’t really get Akon’s popularity, but he does deliver the good pop, so one of my new resolutions is to stop bitching about him. And then there’s Justin. He could sing about the traffic, for all I care, and I’d listen to it and like it. But there can only be one who rules all! This year Rihanna sang her way into our collective cerebella-ella-ella. Though “Umbrella” is a great song, I can do without the barrage of cover versions by Biffy Clyro, McFly, My Chemical Romance, fellow chart mates Plain White T’s, that pretty Youtube chick and more, Mandy Moore.

For those who don’t know, the Christmas Number 1 single is a really big deal in the UK. I have no idea why but the single at Number 1 on Christmas Day is a extra special spot to hold and it’s (as far as I know) unique to the UK. Looking at this list, I see that most of the songs that have had this special honor have absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.

Traditionally, the Christmas Number 1 is something a little sappy, or maybe some novelty song aimed at children … alright, let’s just be honest. They’re usually pretty crappy songs. Check out the 1996-1998: The Spice Girls held that all-important spot for three years in a row and they were perfectly capable of a decent bubblegum hit but those are all of their worst songs. There’s some pretty weird songs in there as well. I just don’t know how else to say it - these are just do not go well with the warm and fuzzies that Christmas is supposed to bring.

1975 & 1991 Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

“Mama, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he’s dead.” Ah, yes - the traditional murder ballad. Granted, “Bohemian Rhapsody” is pure genius and a classic - and loved enough to be the Christmas Number 1 twice (thanks to Wayne’s World). But it’s still an odd song to be humming over your eggnog.

1979 Pink Floyd - Another Brick In The Wall

I guess anytime is a good time to Stick It To The Man. Still, it seems a little less powerful if you think about it as the soundtrack to crazed shoppers snapping up bargains in a frenzied mall.

1981 The Human League - Don’t You Want Me

I’ll just admit I don’t quite know what’s going on in this song/video. The song is, apparently, based on the movie A Star Is Born, which I’ve never seen. The, erm, ‘concept’ of the video is the making of a murder mystery movie. Interesting. Based solely on the lyrics, it seems there was some chick and some guy - he made her into a success somehow, then she dumped him. Now nobody wants anyone. Or something. (I’ll also admit that I didn’t try extra hard to follow the lyrics.) In any case, the wikipedia says that Human League lead singer Philip Oakey described “Don’t You Want Me” as “a nasty song about sexual power politics”. And everyone knows there’s nothing more Christmassy than sexual power politics.

After those oddities, here’s something actually Christmassy.

1984 Band Aid - Do They Know It’s Christmas?

And then again …

1989 Band Aid II - Do They Know It’s Christmas?
(Kind of crappy quality video, it’s the best I could find.)

Oh wait, there’s one more …

2004 Band Aid 20 - Do They Know It’s Christmas?

All sarcasm aside, this is the only Christmas Number 1 I really approve of - the 1984 original anyway. It’s actually a seasonal song, so that helps. It’s definitely a little lame, but the whole Band Aid thing kind of gives you a feeling of goodwill in the world, when you think about that kind of thing happening for the first time. We’re so cynical now, but Band Aid was a good thing, and mostly done by people who made the effort because they knew someone had to. I’m not so sure that’s true of the later versions but even mentioning that misses the point of the song. Yes, I get a little choked up and I don’t care if that makes me a sucker.

So what will this year’s Number 1 be? Any guesses?

So I was wondering what some of the weirdest songs to chart in the U.S. and U.K. The U.K. tends to have more electic tastes, so that’s not really fair game. So, here are a handful of mostly U.S. notable releases to pique the public’s interest enough to at least dip a toe into chart glory. The compilation is by no means exhaustive, to say the least.

In chronological order …

Producer and comedian Allan Sherman’s third album, My Son, The Nut, topped the charts for eight weeks in 1963. “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh”, which Americans of all ages will no doubt recognize, is the soundtrack to this parody using clips from Lost.

Ray Stevens hit #1 in the U.S. and U.K. with “The Streak”. …

Rick Dees’ “Disco Duck” also reached #1 in 1976 and the song even made an appearance in Saturday Night Fever. Those of us who really came of age in the 1990s and beyond cannot judge. All I have to say is … Crazy Frog (which will not be making an appearance in this post).

The U.S. went bonkers over the touring exhibit of Tutankhamun’s artifacts between 1976-1979. I remember going as a kid in NYC. Steve Martin jumped on the bandwagon with “King Tut” (which I remember either from the time or from 1980s playback) and goof-balled his way to #17.

Is Frank Zappa’s 1982 #32 “Valley Girl” - off Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch and featuring his daughter Moon Unit - really what lead to so many in the U.S. speaking like this?

Weird Al Yankovic is who many of us probably think of first when it comes to novelty music. Weird Al was pervasive in the 1980s and in 1984 “Eat It” soared to #12 in the U.S. singles chart.

Fast forward to everyone’s favorite loser - William Hung of American Idol fame. His 2004 album Inspiration broke into the charts at, believe it or not, #34 and has sold hundreds of thousands of copies since. Listen to his signature song, Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs”, and the awesome cover of the Eagles’ “Hotel California” and prepare to be won over.

All is right with the world.

Some songs are so popular that it takes ages for them to get beaten off the number one spot. These singles inevitably become synonymous with the year they came out; there was no 1998 without Cher asking us over and over and over again whether we believed there’s life after love. Most of these songs are most likely on your list of songs you love to hate, but you have to admire the fact that they clung on to the number one position for as long as they did, when it’s hard enough to get a single in the top ten in the first place. Now here’s the world’s chart of songs that spent the longest time on that most coveted position in music.

12 weeks at number one:

   Donna Summer - I Feel Love (1977)
Puff Daddy and Faith Evans featuring 112 - I’ll Be Missing You (1997)
Madonna - Music (2000)
   Shakira - Whenever, Wherever (2002)
   Beyonce - Irreplaceable (2006-2007)

I LOVE “I Feel Love”! It’s psychedelic disco at it’s absolute best. The rest of the songs - and I guess the rest of the list is no different - are all songs you probably know the lyrics to without even trying. “I’ll Be Missing You” the tribute to Biggie Smalls by Diddy, four name changes ago, and his performance with Sting at the MTV Video Music Awards that year caused a renewed interest in The Police who reunited earlier this year. The other three songs are by strong female artists who consistently make great pop music. The only song that I don’t really get is “Whenever, Wherever”, the lyrics are a bit confusing, but also contain some of my favorite lines like: ‘Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains’. Hee. My breasts are more standoffish than humble.

14 Weeks:

Toni Braxton - Un-Break My Heart (1996-1997)

Oh god. This and “My Heart Will Go On” further down in the list, will go down as songs that went from ‘eh, not horrible’ to ’sweet lord, please make it stop’ the fastest in my book. I thought this song, fueled by a tear jerker of a video, could not get more dramatic, until I heard Il Divo’s version.

15 Weeks:

Elton John - Candle in the Wind (1997-199
   Cher - Believe (1998-1999)
   Madonna - Hung Up (2005-2006)

Three artists whose careers span many many decades. The new version of “Candle In The Wind”, originally written as a tribute to Marilyn Monroe, was altered to fit Princess Diana. It became the ultimate expression of the public’s massive outpoor of grief that followed her death. The other two songs are the exact opposite of the Elton John single, they were meant to be celebrated to. Man, you could not escape “Believe” that year! It was on the TV, the radio, in shops, on the street, even on the bus and inevitably in your head, in your head, in your head. It took me the following year to shake off the song, but it cemented Cher’s amazing ability to dish out hits every decade since she first started making beautiful music with Sonny in 1965.

16 Weeks:

Céline Dion - My Heart Will Go On (199
Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean - Hips Don’t Lie (2006)

Aha, that big sappy song from that big sappy boat movie. There were times that I wished Céline would hit her own giant iceberg, but 1998 would just not have been the same without the world sniffling over Jack and Rose to the tunes of this number. I love Wyclef Jean when it’s just him, but the collaborations are mostly not for me. Sadly the singles of him doing his thing all on his own are few and far between. This song is no exception, I don’t really get the whole “Hips Don’t Lie” phenom, but Shakira will always be known as ShakiraShakira to me now. While we’re at it, whatever happened to the Fugees reunion that was announced two years ago?!?

And now with 17 weeks, the longest reigning single ever … drum roll please:

   Los Del Río - Macarena (1995-1996)

“Macarena” came out during an unusually hot summer in 1995 and became that and the following year’s summer anthem. After over four months of Macarena-ing, I thought there would never be a world without the Macarena ever again. I remember seeing footage of politicians and royalty doing the Macarena at one point in 1996, that’s when I knew that the song stopped being cute and might just be the worst thing in music history. In spite of this massive achievement, I don’t know anybody who lists this as their favorite song, or dance. However, all new dance crazes will forever be measured against the Macarena’s immense success. The other day I read somewhere that the Soulja Boy Dance has become the “new Macarena”. I’ll believe it when I see Kofi Annan Crank That with Prince Charles.

I started out rambling around the Intertubes looking for information about the biggest record sales week in history. Within a few minutes I happened upon a Wikipedia page I thought I’d rather share instead. What are the most frequently mentioned brands in Top 20 songs? Unfortunately, the years covered by brand management consultant Lucian James were only 2003-2005. Still, it was interesting to note the brands mentioned and how many times, assuming the numbers are correct.

Mercedes dominated all brands over these three years (275 mentions) and hip hop ruled the genres in terms of conspicuous brand shout-outs. Here is a direct rundown of the Wikipedia article with some additional details and sample songs the article cites added for illustration.

According to the Wikipedia article, in 2003, nearly 39% of the 111 songs charting in the Billboard Top 20 mentioned one or more brands in their lyrics. Good Charlotte’s “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” off The Young and The Hopeless is the only non-hip hop song to flash a brand (McDonald’s). Here is the Top 3 for 2003:

#1 Mercedes (112)
#2 Lexus (4
#3 Gucci (47)

   Good Charlotte - Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

Kanye broke out solo strong in 2004 with The College Dropout. When he wasn’t ensuring Jacob the Jeweller had plenty of business, Mr. West made sure to reference 19 different brands in his triple platinum solo debut. GEICO car insurance, Pepsi, and Toys R Us are all mentioned in “Through The Wire”.

   Kanye West - Through The Wire

The 2004 Top 3:

#1 Cadillac (70)
#2 Hennessy (69)
#3 Mercedes (63)

The only non-hip hop charter to slip a mention in?

   Jessica Simpson - With You

Her brand? Levis, in the first 10 seconds of the song. How mundane. Maybe they were bedazzled, which is, of course, southern fried suburban bling.

In what must be an early manifestation of what we now know is his obsession with one-upping Kanye, 50 Cent made sure to mention 20 different brands in 2005. And, while the article calls her pop and considers brand mentions to have branched out more from hip hop, Gwen Stefani’s “Rich Girl” can’t really be called pop given her beat-heavy connections.

   Gwen Stefani - Rich Girl (ft Eve)

Finally, the Top 3 in 2005:

#1 Mercedes (100)
#2 Nike (63)
#3 Cadillac (62)

So, between 35-40% of all the Billboard chart songs you heard in those three years - and probably hear now - contained mentions of one brand or more. How’s that for Those Zany Charts …?

I was going to take today to explore Number 1 Singles all over the world. I thought it would be fun to see the diversity between totally different countries, any country that popped into my head - New Zealand, Canada, Paraguay, Russia. But you know what? It wasn’t fun - the same crap is on every chart I looked at. 50 Cent is everywhere. Rihanna is taking over the world. I have no idea who Sean Kingston is or what he sounds like, but he’s on every chart known to man.

So forget that. (But if you’re curious, Charts All Over The World is a great - and very thorough - list of links to every chart you could think of.) I started just poking around chart sites and came across the BBC Radio 1 Indie Singles Chart (as compiled by The Official UK Charts Company).

It’s more interesting than I would’ve expected, mostly because it reminds me of something I wonder about from time to time. What exactly does ‘indie’ mean? It should, and used to, mean music that has been recorded/released by independent record labels, right? But - just like ‘pop’ used to be short for ‘popular’ and is now the label for things that sound like Britney Spears - ‘indie’ is now used as if it refers to a genre. I’m not complaining about this - I studied linguistic crap, I understand that definitions shift over time - but it is an oddity and one that seems to follow a cycle. ‘Indie’ (under the genre-definition) would, I suppose, include both Bright Eyes and Bloc Party although they sound nothing alike and have nothing to do with each other. Likewise, ‘punk’ (back in the day) referred to both The Sex Pistols and Television - not because they shared a sound exactly but because they came from the same movement. What exactly was ‘alternative’ in the 90s and, if it was a genre, how can something stop being ‘alternative’?

Anyway, that’s all more complicated than that and it doesn’t even really matter, it’s just something I find interesting. I started thinking about it when I noticed that the Indie Singles Chart follows (as one would expect for something based on sales) independent labels and I was struck by the variety of styles on it, which I hadn’t expected. Let’s have a look-see, shall we? (Some YouTube links provided so you can join in the fun.)

First, we’ve got a whole bunch of dance / techno / drum and bass stuff (Samim, Influx UK, Hi-Tack, Frederico Franchi, a Bob Marley remix, and others) which is not the kind of thing I know anything about. I couldn’t tell you if it’s good or not, I just wanted to point out that it’s there.

There’s some emo-y stuff on the list: Motion City Soundtrack’s “This Is For Real” (#22) and Fightstar’s “We Apologize For Nothing” (#1!). Isn’t Fightstar the band that has that guy that used to be in some boy band? Or something like that. I hate to be too snobby but, to me, these songs sound exactly like everything else that sounds like this. There’s Nightwish’s “Amaranth” (#11) which I’m not afraid to be snobby about - this faux-goth metal stuff is just silly and it takes itself too damn seriously. Speaking of which, what is up with this Aiden person? One Love is at #13 - is there anyone else that’s watched this video and wondered if it’s some joke they don’t get?

Then there’s the indie as I’d expect (indie in this case being a genre - see how it’s confusing?) - Iwasacubscout’s “Our Smallest Adventures” (#27 - a very pleasant song) and This City’s “Romantic” (#26), for example.

And the indie bands that are already established favorites: Maximo Park’s “Girls Who Play Guitars” (#20), The Go! Team’s “Doing It Right” (#10), and

   #18 Bonde Do Role - Solta O Frango

And the reissues, some pretty good ones this week: Elvis’ “My Baby Left Me” (#8), and

   #5 T.Rex - Metal Guru

But my favorites are sort of random:

   #24 Carbon/Silicon - The Magic Suitcase

I didn’t know this was around, Mick Jones (The Clash) and Tony James (Generation X) working together. And it’s quite lovely - it sounds a bit like a milder, sing-song-y Clash.

   #7 Reverend And The Makers - He Said He Loved Me

Opinion seems to be divided on whether Reverend And The Makers are any good, but I like this song at least. I don’t know what the rest of their album is like but this is catchy, energetic, and just a little bit different.

   #9 Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - The Beat That My Heart Skipped

This is definitely my big prize in all this chart insanity. I’d never heard of these guys before and loved this track immediately. Part spoken word, part rap, part GoldieLookinChain without the absurdity - definitely a pair to keep your eye on.

An there you have it - a failed attempt at a post, a bit of rambling nonsense, and some great songs. What more could you want?

Joey Ramone once said that fun disappeared from music in 1974, so The Ramones reacted against the trend of big heavy self-indulgent prog rock bands that all tried to outdo each other in most complex licks and longest dramatic solos. Since 100b would literally not be if it weren’t for the Ramones, all things that helped the birth of the band - even a bad year in music - are in a remote, roundabout way responsible for this here blog as well. Now let’s have a peak at the year that sucked the fun out of music and consequently gave rise to a band that broke all the rules.

Here’s the Top 20 End Of Year US chart from 1974:

20. Blue Swede - Hooked On A Feeling
19. Blue Magic - Sideshow
18. John Denver - Sunshine On My Shoulder

Well, there you have it. These three tunes epitomize Joey Ramones claim that there is no fun in music this year. OK, “Hooked On A Feeling” does have the cool ‘hoogachakas’ at the start, but none of these songs make me want to start a revolution or at the least my own band.

17. David Essex - Rock On
16. Jim Stafford - Spiders And Snakes

I actually kinda like these two songs. “Rock On” is far from rockin’, but - in keeping with the seventies theme - it has a very cool vibe. The Jim Stafford song is just very light and silly and for some reason it reminds me of the Smokey And The Bandit movies.

15. Al Wilson - Show And Tell
14. Stylistics - You Make Me Feel Brand New
13. Maria Muldaur - Midnight At The Oasis

Two very slick seventies soul songs that do absolutely nothing for me and “Midnight At The Oasis”, which sounds cute at first, but inexplicably also makes me feel a bit dirty. I can imagine these three songs as the soundtrack to many a hot, seventies, backseat lovin’.

12. Kool & The Gang - Jungle Boogie

I LOVE this song. From the gong to the funktastic voices and guitar I love the whole thing. It’s impossible not to get swept away by that crazy, grunty, scatting guy. I first heard it as a sample in The Beastie Boys’ “Hey Ladies”, before I was even aware of Kool & The Gang. Feel da Funk y’all!!

11. Aretha Franklin - Until You Come Back To Me (That’s What I’m Gonna Do)
10. Mac Davis - One Hell Off A Woman
09. Elton John - Bennie And The Jets

It’s hard to believe that Mac Davis who wrote “One Hell Of A Woman” also wrote Elvis’ “In The Ghetto”. It’s so blah, he’s easily drowned out by the two music greats on either side of him. I think it’s interesting that “Bennie And The Jets” was written as a poppy protest against seventies music. Though it doesn’t make as much of a racket as The Ramones do.

08. Ray Stevens - The Streak
07. MFSB feat. The Three Degrees - The Sound Of Philadelphia
06. Grand Funk Railroad - Loco-Motion

I don’t know what to make of “The Streak”. It is the lyrical version of a Benny Hill skit and celebrates the popular seventies sport streaking. Remember when any outdoor activity or half-assed protest was reason for somebody to run around in their birthday suit? Aw, the “Loco-motion”! Growing up in the eighties, I first heard Kylie’s sweet version when we just knew her as the cute one from Neighbours.

05. Jackson 5 - Dancing Machine
04. Redbone - Come And Get Your Love
03. Love Unlimited Orchestra - Love’s Theme

Bean recently celebrated the Jackson 5 and though this song is not one of their best, it’s still superbly poptastic. The very first lines of that Redbone song sound vaguely familiar to me, because Cindy Lauper sorta stole some of it in “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”, but she changed it to ‘hey now, hey now, what’s the matter with ya, girls just wanna have fun now’. Good times. And this instrumental song by Barry White’s Love Unlimited Orchestra is commonly believed to have been a huge influence on the disco sound that came out the following year. So whether you love, hate or are indifferent of disco this song had a part in the making of it.

02. Terry Jacks - Seasons In The Sun
01. Barbra Streisand - The Way We Were

No offense to Terry Jacks’ fans, but does anybody else want to kill themselves when they listen to “Seasons In The Sun”?!? The line that does it for me is ‘Goodbye papa, it’s hard to die when all the birds are singing in the sun’. Barf. I do appreciate “The Way We Were” for its misty, water-colored movie connections, it is a classic and La Streisand at her best.

Alright, with the exception of some kool funkalicious bands and familiar pop greats, this was not the most exciting year in music. Especially rock ‘n roll, once resurrected out of sex, youth and rebellion, had lost its dangerous edge and boisterous spirit and turned into a boring, lazy, beast of burden. No wonder The Ramones were pleading for shock treatment to get themselves out of the musical cul de sac that was 1974. Two years later they brought back the fun with their short, choppy, energetic debut so jam-packed full of disorganized joy that it inevitably rang in a new era.

   The Ramones - Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment

If any artist could be likened to Adebisi from Oz in the sense they absolutely owned the yard anytime they stepped out to flex their muscle during the period after their arrival on the scene, well, it is definitely Whitney Houston between 1985 and 1988. In those three years she released seven consecutive #1 singles. Count ‘em, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1, #1. What Whitney touched turned to gold or even platinum during these three years.

1985 - Saving All My Love for You
1986 - How Will I Know
1986 - Greatest Love of All
1987 - I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)
1987 - Didn’t We Almost Have It All
1988 - So Emotional
1988 - Where Do Broken Hearts Go

Laugh if you want, but you don’t achieve that degree of singles chart dominance unless A LOT of people really love what you’re spinning. That’s only one of the diva’s chart accomplishments. They could fill weeks of Those Zany Charts ….

But, for my money, as much fun as Houston’s mid-to-late-80s pop classics are and as soulful as many of the early-90s singles are, nothing beats the mature and lovely Whitney presented by “My Love Is Your Love”. She’s simply sweet, smooth, and confident. All her many trials and tribulations aside, that’s the Whitney we can fall in love with.

   Whitney Houston - My Love Is Your Love

Since it’s Elvis Week and we’ve done all Elvis posts this week, I thought we might as well go all the way and bring the King into Those Zany Charts. But an all-Elvis chart post would be boring, we can just go get that Number 1s album if you want to know about that, right? So let’s look at the Top 50 Singles from 30 years ago, the year Elvis died. Why? I don’t know - why not? To see what Elvis’ musical legacy had morphed into after his 23-year career, I guess.

Truth be told, it’s not quite as bad as I’d initially thought. There’s some pretty good 70s cheese in there. And, of course, some ridiculous disco (and I like disco). Here’s the highlights:

#43 Steve Miller Band - Jungle Love

Dude, everybody loves Steve Miller.

#40 Heatwave - Boogie Nights

The guys are HOT. Check out these moves for when you go out to the disco later tonight:

#38 Meco - Star Wars Theme / Cantina Band

This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. A disco remix (the first mash-up, perhaps?) of the Star Wars Theme and all sorts of Star Wars-based sounds, as well as the music played by the house band on Tatooine. This guy made a whole album of this disco Star Wars music after A New Hope came out. So. Very. Awesome.

#30 Shaun Cassidy - That’s Rock ‘N Roll

My dirty little secret is that I love this song. Not as in “I love this song but Shaun Cassidy’s version is atrocious”. Nope, I love Shaun Cassidy singing this song. I’ve been trying to hunt it down for several years now (and wasted about 40 minutes looking again this morning, just in case it magically appeared somewhere since I last wasted loads of time doing this) but can’t find it anywhere. There’s a Best Of available but I only want this one teeny tiny song. Anyway, there’s nothing better than when Shaun sings this on “The Hardy Boys”, but the best clip I could find was this live version from 1978:

Update: A kindly (anonymous) stranger has sent my song to 100b HQ - so, thanks to them, here it is!

   Shaun Cassidy - That’s Rock ‘N Roll

#16 John Williams - Star Wars (Main Title)

Yup, TWO versions of the Star Wars theme in the Top 50 in one week. It doesn’t get any better than that.

#12 Heart - Barracuda

I love this song, it’s so fierce and saucy. Led Zeppelin-y with a girly edge (but not grrrly and irritating). This is good for getting ready to go out, right before you knock everyone out with your Heatwave dances.

And the #1 single the week Elvis left us?

#1 The Emotions - Best Of My Love

This is what groups like Eternal were trying to be and didn’t even come close.

So they may not be “That’s All Right, Mama” or “Suspicious Minds”, but there are some good songs in there - I guess popular music wasn’t a total shambles when Elvis, erm, left the building.

We have been covering the charts that represent the most beluuuved singles out there. Let’s twist it around and take a look at the charts that record the songs everybody hates. Interestingly, a lot of these songs used to be HUGE hits, but somehow the crowd has turned on them and the once adoring fans are now running for the hills at the sound of these tunes.

My personal Worst Songs list would probably be topped by two songs especially: Pat Boone’s “Love Letters In The Sand” (because it’s heinous) and Ronan Keating’s “When You Say Nothing At All”. The Ronan Keating one was lower on my chart before, but then I saw a reality wedding show where, after saying their ‘I dos’, the new husband burst out in a gut wrenching rendition of the song. I would have screamed, cried, kicked him in the nuts, and prayed that someone taped that, because if ever there was good reason for an anulment … Well anyway, join me in my celebration of B-A-D!

The Top 5 Worst Songs as voted by CNN.com readers:

5. Terry Jacks - Seasons in the Sun
4. Charlene - I’ve Never Been to Me
3. Debby Boone - You Light Up My Life
2. The Captain And Tennille - Muskrat Love
1. Paul Anka - (You’re) Having My Baby

Oooo boy, these are all deservedly in the top 5 for sure! They all, in their own special way, make me want to barf up the chicken I had earlier, but the song that puzzles me most is “Muskrat Love”. Especially the synthesizer beeps and blips that are supposed to sound like muskrats … making sweet love(??). That’s just filthy. The thing that makes these songs so evil is that they don’t seem to end. Towards the middle of each of these songs I start to believe that the only way to escape them is by pouring mercury in my ears. A tad drastic maybe, but I wholeheartedly agree with this chart.

The BBC brings us The Top 5 Worst Songs as voted on an online poll:

5. 5ive featuring Queen - We Will Rock You
4. Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle - Diamond Lights
3. Meat Loaf - I’ll Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)
2. Gazza and Lindisfarne - Fog on the Tyne
1. The Beatles - Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

I have some issues with the songs in this list. First of all, don’t blame a song if the thing you really detest is the obnoxious boyband (5ive). Second, - and there’s no way I can make this sound cool - I have a soft spot for “I Would Do Anything For Love”. Yah, I sorta made up a little play to go along with the lyrics when I was younger … Leeeet’s move on. “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” is number one?!? Alright, it’s not their best but a bad Beatles song is still a million times better than, oh say, Olivia Newton John’s “I Honestly Love You”. Ugh, I hate that song with the fire of Satan’s breath.

The Top Five according to Blender Magazine:

5. Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby
4. Limpbizkit - Rollin’
3. Wang Chung - Everybody Have Fun Tonight
2. Billy Ray Cyrus - Achy Breaky Heart
1. Starship - We Built This City

Hm, hindsight is a wonderful thing ain’t it, but don’t even pretend you didn’t dance along with ‘Eminem Lite’ when this number 5 first came out. The same probably goes for the Wang Chung song, but I was 5 so I don’t remember. I don’t mind it so much, it sounds like your average 80’s club hit. But how DO you Wang Chung tonight?? Anyway, what is there to say about Billy Ray Cyrus? Bad haircut, bad song, but I think it’s kinda funny. I mean this song is like a joke, right? He didn’t actually think this was the lyrical highpoint of his career … right? And then there’s the soulless insta-hit that is “We Built This City”. At least that’s what I heard. I always read about how Jefferson Starship sold out or something, but I don’t think I know any of their other songs, and I’ve definitely heard worse than this chart topping bad song.

Jealous of these artists with their awesomely bad song writing abilities? CNN.com is so kind to give us a How To Write A Bad Song tutorial.

I’ve enjoyed checking out the charts in different countries in a previous edition of Those Zany Charts … so I thought I’d do it again. This time I wanted to see what’s climbed to the top of a few of the South American charts the past few weeks.

Now, if you’re a gringo you’d be forgiven if you thought South American charts meant Shakira and an Iglesias or two. You would not, however, be forgiven if you thought it still meant this:

“Shopping Mall” (a video clip del año 1983). Though, to be fair, Menudo did churn through something like a record or more between 1977 and 1994, so if you couldn’t help yourself because they were too stone cold awesome (or ubiquitous) to avoid, well, okay then.

Today, I’m after something more recent and ultra-hip. The cutting edge of the South American charts. So, what’s out there as recent chart toppers?

#1 Brazil - Natiruts, “Natiruts Reggae Power” (21 de Julio 2007)

Latin Reggae. I’m not a huge fan of smooth, contemporary reggae. It brings back painful memories of Big Mountain. “Natiruts Reggae Power” is a surprisingly chill song to be a number and is dangerously close to jam rock. This was the best video I could find - a live performance. (And, yes, before someone posts a snarky comment … I know they speak Portuguese in Brasil and 21 de Julio 2007 may not be the way you word that.)

#1 Argentina - Shakira, “Las de la intuición” (13 de Julio 2007)

Oh my God, I shot my eye out! It’s Shakira! See, our preconceived notions are true. I knew it! South Americans really do listen to Shakira. Her voice. The purple hair. The ever so slightly Depeche Mode-y beat. Very mesmerizing. Damn, she’s cool.

#1 Peru - Tony Dize and Ken-Y, “Quizas” (22 de Julio 2007)

Okay, the soundtrack of this video is actually Tony Dize and Ken-Y, but the two goofballs are absolutely not Tony Dize and Ken-Y. However, I thought this version was vastly superior to the original and much more entertaining. These two guys have almost as much fun watching themselves in their television as they do performing. Goofball #1 (on the right) checks every time an important hand gesture is required. I swear he even makes adjustments mid-gesture. That’s dedication. And this is the YouTube generation.

#1 Chile - Daddy Yankee ft. Fergie, “Impacto” (19 de Julio 2007)

Nice! Some reggaeton makes it to one of the charts I checked. I don’t even want to smack Fergie in this remix version. Somehow she fits with reggaeton. Or at least one of reggaeton’s biggest stars. The concept of this video, if you end up having trouble figuring it out: Daddy Yankee and Fergie go around the world making it impacto.

And that concludes another edition of Those Zany Charts …

Out.

Since Tamboosh is with us in the land of no internet this week, we had to go old-school and buy a copy of Music Week (the UK version of Billboard). We thought it would be an easy way to check out this week’s UK charts and share our witty comments with you, gentle readers.

We were sadly mistaken. Is there anyone out there that actually understands these charts? Please explain the difference between the Official UK Singles Chart, the Hit 40 UK, the Commercial Pop Top 30, and the Cool Cuts Chart. Doesn’t it sound like those are all the same thing? Some of them have the exact same songs, though in a different order, and the others have different songs altogether. Nowhere in our copy of Music Week (that we could find, at least) does it explain what these charts represent.

We spent at least an hour trying to figure what it all means and gave up feeling completely lost. In total, Music Week contains 38 different charts. Some make perfect sense - TV and Radio Airplay Charts, Urban / Jazz / Classical / etc. Charts - but others are lost on us. If downloads now count toward the Singles Chart, why do we also have separate Top 30 Physical Singles and Top 20 Downloads charts? What are we supposed to learn about physical singles vs. downloads from these lists? Also, why is there yet another chart for European downloads but no other European-based charts anywhere? These are only a sample of our many questions.

So we gave up trying to make sense of it all. Instead of analyzing this week’s vast array of charts, here’s some songs we like that each appear on multiple lists.

   The White Stripes - Icky Thump

The White Stripes’ “Icky Thump” is #25 on the Official UK Singles Chart, #9 on the Top 20 Downloads (but does not appear on the Top 30 Physical Singles or the Hit 40 UK), and #2 on the Top 10 Indie Singles. It’s #15 on the Top 20 European Downloads and #4 (a new entry!) on the Top 20 Realtones list. Icky Thump is #1 on the Top 10 Indie Albums chart but #4 (down from last week’s top spot) on the Official UK Albums chart.

   Jack Penate - Torn On The Platform

Jack Penate is a new entry on the Top 30 Physical Singles list (#7), the Top 20 Downloads (#17), the Hit 40 UK (#7), Top 10 Indie Singles (#1, taking the White Stripes down a notch from last week). But “Torn On The Platform” has already spent two weeks on the Official UK Singles Chart (#7 this week).

   The Enemy - Had Enough

The Enemy, having risen from #51 to #4 during their two weeks’ on the Official UK Singles Chart, are this week’s Highest Climber! They’re also #4 on the Hit 40 UK and #3 on the Top 30 Physical Singles. But downloaders are apparently indifferent to The Enemy, since they’re nowhere to be found on the Top 20 Downloads.

   Rihanna ft. Jay-Z - Umbrella

Rihanna and the not-so-much retired Jay-Z are #1 on nearly all the lists we don’t understand (Top 20 Downloads, Top 20 Realtones, Top 20 European Downloads, Hit 40 UK). However, they’re at a measly #19 on the Commercial Pop Top 30 (dropped from #10) and #2 on both the Physical Singles and Urban Top 30 lists. They’ve also made it to #3 on the Year So Far: Top 20 Singles chart.

In conclusion … we don’t understand.

Editor’s Note: The Bean managed to post this by writing it and having someone else send it to us for posting to 100b. That’s dedication. It’s what we do and how much we dig blogging for you.

So after moving to a whole new country and spending many hours drowning in boxes, I finally have the time and energy to scribble something down for our lovely blog. The problem is, I don’t have any of those handy internets in my new house yet. So I went old school on this post and used books. Yup, those paper things that take way longer to search through than getting information from the tubes.

All I could really use to look up chart information was Rock & Pop: Year By Year by Luke Crampton and Dafydd Rees, a great overview of popular music since 1954, like the title says, year by year. I started at the beginning - 1954, commonly believed to be the birth year of Rock ‘n Roll - and checked out the songs that held the #1 spot every 10 years. I also had a look at the amazing songs that weren’t nearly as popular yet have become classics over the years.

1954
Perry Como - Wanted
Kitty Kallen - Little Things Mean A Lot

Both of these songs held the top spot for 9 weeks. Have you ever heard of either of them? Nope, me neither. And somehow, Crew-Cuts’ “Sh-Boom” - probably the best doo-wop pop song ever - only held the spot for 7 weeks.

   Crew-Cuts - Sh-Boom

1964
The Beatles - I Want To Hold Your Hand

Number 1 for 7 weeks. Which is pretty awesome, I really can’t find any fault with that.

1974
Barbara Streisand - The Way We Were
Terry Jacks - Seasons In The Sun
Ray Stevens - The Streak
Paul Anka - (You’re) Having My Baby

All of these spent three weeks at number 1. The only one I even know is “The Way We Were”, which I do enjoy for the cheese factor, but there’s no way it’s better than:

   John Lennon with The Plastic Ono Band - Whatever Gets You Thru The Night

which only got to shine for one measly week. That’s just wrong.

1984
Madonna - Like A Virgin

“Like A Virgin” spent 7 weeks at the top. I’m ok with that.

1994
Boyz II Men - I’ll Make Love To You

Boyz II Men really rocked 1994. “I’ll Make Love To You” was number 1 for 14 damn weeks, which was followed by their next single, “On Bended Knee”. Lisa Loeb had a respectable 3 weeks with this 90s classic:

   Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories - Stay (I Missed You)

2002 *
Ashanti - Foolish
Nelly ft Kelly Rowland - Dilemma

These two songs spent 10 weeks at the top of the chart each, but I don’t remember that Ashanti song. Was it that one where she sang a a little and danced a little and made sultry badass faces? Hmm. Like everyone else, I liked “Dilemma”. But not as much as I liked “Lose Yourself”, which was at number 1 for 8 weeks in 2002 and I hope stayed on for at least a few more weeks into the next year.* This anthem just has to have beat out a song I can’t even remember.

   Eminem - Lose Yourself

* The book is awesome but it only goes up to 2002. Hey, I think I done pretty good for an internet-less post, even if the whole thing is a tiny bit pointless.

Music nerds and magazines everywhere are celebrating the fortieth anniversary of the release of Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band this month, so I thought it’d be cool to see what was going on in the singles charts forty years ago. 1967 was a big year in music, not only did The Beatles’ most critically acclaimed album come out that year in June, but The Velvet Underground’s debut album was released in March, Jimi Hendrix lit his first guitar on fire (and burned his hands, he perfected this stunt in later shows), The Stooges formed and played their first ever concert, The Beach Boys’ record company pulled the plug on SMiLE after Brian Wilson couldn’t bring himself to finish the project, Elvis married his Priscilla, Brian Epstein and Otis Redding died - Redding had just recorded “Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bay” two days earlier and Jeff Tweedy, Billy Corgan, Noel Gallagher and Kurt Cobain were born that year.

Here are the top 20 most popular singles of 1967:

20. Topol - If I Were A Rich Man
19. Petula Clark - This Is My Song

This list is filled with songs that make you go ‘Oooh yeeeah’, you kinda know these songs but who and when and what is not really clear. These two songs belong in that category, I sort of remember the melodies and even a lalala after the ‘if I were a rich man’ line, but I have no idea why.

18. The Beatles - All You Need Is Love

The happy closing song of the Magical Mystery Tour album and The Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, Marianne Faithfull, Keith Moon and Graham Nash sang along on this historical first-ever live, international, satellite television broadcasting. A complex song with a simple message. It made such an impact and was number one for 27 weeks, so I expected it much higher up in the chart. Every single person and their mother has shared their opinion about the massive impact The Beatles have made, so I won’t bore you with my unhealthy love for the band.

17. Vince Hill - Edelweiss
16. The Tremeloes - Silence Is Golden
15. The Bee Gees - Massachusetts

Decca chose The Tremeloes over The Beatles when they auditioned them on the same day. It may seem like a blunder now … because it is. BUT this song is really great.
Brian Epstein, the original fifth Beatle passed away a few days after he told the Bee Gees that this song was beautiful and it would be a big summer hit. It became number one in the UK and it launched the brothers Gibb’s career.

14. Keith West - Excerpt from A Teenage Opera
13. Vicki Carr - It Must Be Him
12. The Mamas & The Papas - Dedicated To The One I Love

Oo I’ve posted about The Shirelles version of this song, because it’s one of my favorite poptastic tunes! The Mamas & The Papas version is sweeter and more polished and suits their voices beautifully, but I still prefer The Shirelles.

11. Frank & Nancy Sinatra - Somethin’ Stupid
10. The Monkees - I’m A Believer
09. Procol Harum - Whiter Shade Of Pale

Ah, three wonderful songs in a row. The recent popularty of the cover of “Somethin’ Stupid” by Nicole Kidman and Robbie Williams, the frequent use of the Monkees’ songs in movies and the prominent place “A Whiter Shade Of Pale” gets in every single Greatest Classic Hits chart is proof that you can’t beat a good, solid pop hit.

08. Frankie Vaughan - There Must Be A Way

Hey, Frankie Vaughan wasn’t just a singer, he also negotiated a truce between teenage gangs in Glasgow. Check out this excellent news segment from the 1960’s about the Glasgow Gangs Peace Talk. Apparently Frankie Vaughan - ‘himself a product of streetgangs’ - got through to the kids by ‘talking sense’. It ends saying ‘If a singer can achieve so much, surely world leaders with all their experience can do more.’ One would think so …

07. Tom Jones - I’ll Never Fall In Love Again

The man is unstoppable, at the age of 67 he is still touring and recording! This song is a karaoke classis and it probably still is the cause of many-a airborn panty at his concerts.

06. Sandie Shaw - Puppet On A String

The 1967 winner of the Eurovision Song Contest. I usually can appreciate campy, cheesy, bad pop but I really can’t stand this song, though neither could Sandie Shaw herself.

05. Scott McKenzie - San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hear)
04. Anita Harris - Just Loving You

Aw, I just love the part in “San Francisco” where everything but the bass and Scott’s voice goes quiet. The hippie anthem of the famous 1967 Summer Of Love and still one of my favorites on any ‘Remember The Sixties’ CD. I never heard of the number four single, but I only know Anita Harris’ lovely “Clapping Song”.

03. Engelbert Humperdink - The Last Waltz
02. Engelbert Humperdink - There Goes My Everything
01. Engelbert Humperdink - Release Me

Holy Humperdink, he sure was popular in 1967. I don’t really get the appeal, but in keeping with the Beatles anniversary that started this all, “Release Me” kept “Strawberry Fields Forever” off the number one spot, so who am I to criticize such a tour de force.

Thanks for traveling 40 years back in time with us and as a reward here is an incredible version of the number 18 song of 1967, the additional track from MOJO’s tribute Sgt. Pepper … With A Little Help From My Friends:

Echo & The Bunnymen - All You Need Is Love

You can catch the second half of the BBC radio sessions featuring contemporary artists like Oasis, Kaiser Chiefs The Magic Numbers and many more, and their take on the Sgt. Pepper songs of their choosing 16 June.

Editor’s Note: The Bean has been swamped this week and it’s finally caught up with her. So, Tamboosh and aDawgg decided to collaborate to bring you Those Zany Charts …

We thought it’d be fun to see what the Japanese charts are up to. You would be forgiven if you thought the Japanese would be on the cutting edge of music, given the future-looking nature of the products we always hear about coming out of the Land of the Rising Sun.

Well, what does the May 21, 2007 singles chart (compiled by Oricon Style) look like? Take a very quick scan below. See the difference? No? Look again. Correctamundo. No Avril Lavigne. If you peruse the current charts around the world you can’t escape Ms. Lavigne. Or Linkin Park. Not in Japan. We’ll have none of that here. This is a local chart. For local people. It’s as if Lavigne or Linkin Park don’t exist.

And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The Zany Grainy Oh So Judgemental YouTube Revue of the May 21, 2007 Japanese Singles Top 10!

#1   B’z - “Eien No Tsubasa”

A: This is some of the best music video (or as the Japanese call them, promotional video) acting I’ve seen in a long time. That busted up leg action the main character sports really has me believing they beat the crap out of him before the shoot.

T: I think I might be dead inside. Everybody in this video is crying and I got nothing. Though it’s good to hear that power ballads are still going strong in Japan.

#2   Kiyoshi Hikawa - “Abayo”

T: No. Freaking. Way. This is just … there are no words. Well, there is one thing: Why exactly does he look like a French Captain Stubing?

A: I don’t even know how to react to this song or video. Apparently, this gentleman is the ‘Prince of Enka’ style J-Pop, which the Wikipedia write-up likens to U.S. country ‘theme and audience’-wise. I’ll tell you what: I don’t see this guy lasting very long in a country bar.

#3   Kiyoshi Hikawa - “Kiyoshino Soranbushi”

T: Oh my god, it’s that guy again!! Why is he so popular?!?

A: This is a frackin classic. It’s like a joke. Except it’s not. I have to admit, I think it’s very catchy.

#4   Remioromen - “Hotaru/Run”

A: Not unlike ‘our’ indie, but boiled a few times to appeal to the tastes of a wider audience.

T: Awesome video though. Hmm, you know what, I kinda like this. Cute song, spaceships and dinosaurs. It’s the full pop package.

#5   Aqua Timez - “Shiori”

A: Again limp indie. This time more boy band-ish that Remioromen (see #4 above).

T: Alright, so they did squeeze all the RAW out of rawk, but they don’t suck so bad.

#6   Arashi - “We Can Make It!”

A: Yep, this is what happened to Boyzone. I have very few words for Boyzone and can’t muster anything for this.

T: No no, you see the thing that happened was, when these guys were dismissed from the military - where they got those very not-gay jackets - they became firemen. Hence the sliding off the colorful poles. Again, very not-gay.

#7   Yukari Tamura - “Hoshizora No Spica”

T: It’s your average J-Pop hit. In fact, I think I fell on my face once while I was trying to Dance Dance Revolution my way through this song.

A: See, for some reason, I dig this stuff more than the power ballads sung by men. She sounds like she’s having fun telling us whatever she’s telling us.

#8   Masafumi Akikawa - “Sen No Kaze Ni Natte”

T: Aah! It’s like Il Divo, except it’s just the one guy and he’s not butchering an existing song with his operatic shenanigans. As far as I can tell …

A: Tamboosh pretty much captures this one.

#9   Kannivalism - “Small World”

T: Is that a dude? Either way, this is great! The drama, the band name, the David Bowie eyes, the sexual ambiguity. Emo sounds so much better in Japanese.

A: I think it is a dude.

#10   Redballoon - “Gin-iro No Sora”

T: I don’t hate it, but then again I don’t anything it. It’s like the kind of rock you can buy at the supermarket. You know, by the check out, next to the Danielle Steele novels.

A: Tamboosh is right. That emotion generates much smoke but not much fire.

For those of you who made it this far. Congratulations.

Signing off from Japan, this has been another installment of Those Zany Charts …

This month Shakira and Beyonce are topping the charts, right under them lurks Timbaland who had his hand in about a zillion other songs in the list. Not that exciting, so it made me wonder what was going on in music a decade ago. Let me take you back to a long forgotten time … time … time …

Aaaaah 1997, Tamagotchis and Baby-G watches are the must-have gadgets and we carry them around in our mini-backpacks that match our platform sneakers, while the phrase “Oh my god, they killed Kenny” still got a lot of laughs. I came across the top 20 MTV European pop chart from this exact same week in May 1997. I always had the idea that the nineties were not a great time for music, but when Bean and I swapped High School mixes last year we came across a lot of amazing songs, some featured in this list.

   #20 Daft Punk - Around The World
   #18 Chemical Brothers - Block Rockin’ Beats
I cannot believe these are from ten years ago. They’re timeless, I’m sure they would be huge hits if they were released now. I think it’s because they both appeal to lovers of pop, alternative and dance music. And that Daft Punk video is still the most mesmerizing thing I’ve ever seen.

   #15 U2 - Staring At The Sun
I honestly can’t imagine a yearly chart without U2 in it. They have the amazing ability to apply their sound to the current trends, like the way “Staring At The Sun” has hints of that mid-nineties alternative rock stylee.

Two songs that had ‘Girl Power’, a term that the Spice Girls made popular and ruined for all of us:
   #14 No Doubt - Just A Girl
   #11 Republica - Ready To Go
Every girl whether a goth, a punk or a teenybopper LOVED “Just A Girl”. It was our “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”!

We’ve come to the top 10 and it’s topped by … Michael Jackson? With a song called “Blood On The Dancefloor”. Is it weird that I don’t remember this at all? I thought he stopped topping the charts after that awful “Earth Song”, the same song that made Jarvis Cocker storm the stage in 1996. Hee! The peculiar thing is that I can’t find any images of the incident, not even a bad quality youtube clip! It was during the Brit Awards and I find it very hard to believe that not one camera was pointed that way and no photographer thought ‘That might be worth a snap’. I smell a conspiracy …

   #9 B-Real, Coolio, Method Man, LL Cool J & Busta Rhymes - Hit Em High (The Monstars Anthem)
   #8 En Vogue - Don’t Let Go Love
Two very different songs from two very different movie soundtracks. The first is from Space Jam, making the bad guys of the movie a thousand times cooler than Michael Jordan’s team. An absolutely mind-blowing all-star line up … and Coolio. Just kidding, we loved Coolio. My favorite part is Busta, with his particular brand of crazy at the end, and B-Real. I love B-Real. The second song is the super passionate ballad that can be found on the Set It Off soundtrack. This is a great song to sing into your mirror. Every member of the group tries to top the other, which means there are many moments that need you on your knees reaching for the sky with a look of utter agony.

   #6 White Town - Your Woman
   #3 Apollo 440 - Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Dub
“Your Woman” is White Town’s one and only hit and it features the lyrics “I will never be your woman”, but it was sung by a man. I loved this song, but I’m still not sure why. “Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Dub” is brilliant, anyone who can combine a drum & bass beat with a Van Halen sample is a musical giant.

   #2 Depeche Mode - It’s No Good
I never really gave the band a chance until Bean told me that they were definitely worth it and she was more than right. Thankfully, nobody else shared my initial doubts which landed them the number two spot.

Finally it is now time for the number one!!!

   #1 Spice Girls - Mama

… A bit of an anti-climax. It’s not their best song, but it was near Mother’s Day, so let’s say that big love for our moms is the reason why it was the top song that week. Totally ignoring the fact that it’d been number one for two whole months. We must really love our mothers.

Is it just me or do the pop charts seem more diverse ten years ago? It looks like the lines between styles of music are so blurred now that they’re starting to blend towards one great pop sound. Nobody looks up anymore when Akon (Why is he famous?) appears in a song with Gwen Stefani AND Bone Thugs & Harmony (They’re back?!?). I don’t think this is a bad thing, it inspires the bands and artists on the fringes to experiment more and to come up with new and exciting music. Until that too is gobbled up by the ever expandi