When I’m able, I like to watch the UK Top 40 on Monday nights – you know, to keep up with what those crazy kids are listening to these days. If I consider each song on its own, I’m pretty much ok with chart music right now. No one song is so bad that I really hate it*, some are even catchy as hell.

On the other hand, I look at the chart as a whole and I’m all, ‘Wha’ happen?!’ Since when is a single sound represented in the charts? And I mean that almost literally: during a recent countdown, I counted about 6 songs out of 40 that did not use the same clubby dance beat. And on top of that, the beat kind of makes them all sing the same – to the point where choruses actually do all sound the same, note-wise. And what’s weird is that it’s almost as if artists are now afraid not to sound exactly like everyone else, if recent tracks by Snoop Dogg (ahem) and Flo Rida are anything to go by. I know that chart music is not always the most diverse, and every old fart like myself says it was better in their day, but seriously – this is out of hand. It’s like unique-ness is now a flaw in an artist, no longer their potential selling point.

While thinking about all this important stuff, I’ve also noticed something else weird (and same-y) about chart songs right now: they’re all about partying, getting wasted, dancing all night, having the night of our lives. Last Friday Night, Party Rock Anthem, On The Floor, Don’t Stop The Party. There are few artists that even pretend they’re offering any substance right now. Tracy Chapman, Aloe Blacc, and even Adele feel very out of place when you watch along on MTV. Doesn’t anyone have an opinion about anything anymore? Don’t these artists think about stuff? I really wish the youth of today had something to say that wasn’t about partying but – based on the charts, at least – I’m really not sure they do. Which is pretty much the most depressing thing ever.

But, if you think back a-ways, this isn’t actually new, it’s just a little worse than before. Here’s a weird little thought that’s been floating around in my head for years: there were a lot of songs about dancing in the 80s. Seriously, a lot – everybody just dancing all the time.

Lionel was dancing on the ceiling:

while Bruce danced in the dark:

and Billy danced with himself** :

Whitney wanted to dance with somebody who loved her:

but David was inviting us all to just dance already:

And, of course, Madonna was into the groove, Michael Sembello told us the story of the maniac on the floor, Kenny Loggins got footloose … the list goes on. Maybe we just always loved dancing and always will. Maybe, just maybe, there’s still some hope for those kids out there right now.

After all, we all turned out ok, right?

* Other than that godawful Snoop Dogg song that’s popular right now. It’s so crap I can’t even be bothered to check the title. Please stop playing it. Seriously. Please stop.

** And some zombies, apparently. What the hell is going on in this video?!

By way of an introduction to this episode of Those Zany Charts, I’m going to ask you, gentle reader, to hazard a guess at which artist or band has had the most No. 1 hits in the history of the Billboard Hot 100. Have a think about it, I’ll wait.

…

…

Michael Jackson, right? That was my guess anyway, and that of some people I posed the same question to. Somehow none of us thought of the obvious.

I recently came across this chart of charts – the Billboard list of the biggest hit-makers in the history of their Hot 100 (the first edition occurred in August 1958). Of course the answer is The Beatles, with a whopping 20 (twenty!) chart-topping singles. I’m almost ashamed not to have gotten it right, though I will say that none of the Beatles’ #1s are songs I really love. (Go here to see a detailed list of specific singles.) Maybe that’s because, since they were so big, they’re the ones that are played most frequently and you gradually get sick of them over your lifetime. Or maybe I just like other Beatles songs much better. Whatever the case, I’m not at all surprised to see them at the top, only embarrassed not to have figured it out for myself.

As for the rest of these chart-topping artists, let’s have a more general look. Yup, there’s Michael Jackson, down at #3 with 13 top hits. And what a 13 they are (other than maybe “Say Say Say” and “You Are Not Alone”, ugh), though I am kind of surprised at how short they each stayed at the top. Ditto for Madonna, just below Mr. Jackson with 12 #1s. The Supremes and Rolling Stones (12 and 8 hits, respectively) are hardly a shock, nor are Stevie Wonder (10), the Bee Gees (9), or Elton John (9).

Whitney Houston (11) and Janet Jackson (10) aren’t people I’d have thought of but I guess it does make sense that they’re represented on this list. It does seem funny though that neither “My Love Is Your Love” nor “Got ‘Til It’s Gone” – in my opinion, their best songs – were #1s. Anyway, the real surprises, for me at least, are:

- Paul McCartney/Wings with 9 chart-topping singles. Yeah yeah, he was a Beatle, the emphasis being on was. Paul McCartney without John, George, and Ringo? Blerg.

- Mariah Carey, right below the Fab Four with a total of 18 #1s. Seriously? The second highest chart-topper of the last 50-ish years? That’s quite shocking, and somehow I only know about half of those songs anyway. Hmm.

- And Usher, down at the bottom, but still kickin’ it with 8 #1s. Again, I only know a few of these songs (no, I’m not so much with chart music – what gave it away?) and the only Usher song I really loved back in the day, “You Make Me Wanna”, apparently only made it to Number 2 in 1997.

And what about The King? Billboard does note that a good number of Elvis’ big hits pre-date the Hot 100. Apparently there is some controversy over how many ‘hit’ singles Elvis actually had, but at least 7 of them were No. 1s on the Hot 100 chart, including these classics:

I love Halloween. It’s the best holiday ever and you will never get me to think otherwise. In celebration of this most holy day, I bring you my very own Top 10 Spooky Songs list. There’s a whole ton of lists like this out there – just Google “spooky songs” or “scary songs” and you’ll get loads of results – but I didn’t quite agree with any of them. So here’s my own, based on nothing but my own opinion and love of all things spooky and cheesy.

#10 Ray Parker, Jr., “Ghostbusters”
A dumb, dumb song but, here at 100b, we like dumb. Besides, because of this song, no one will ever be able to answer the question “Who ya gonna call?” like a normal person, so you can’t pretend that it hasn’t had an influence on popular culture.

#9 DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince, “Nightmare On My Street”
Sadly, I have no mp3 or video to share for Will Smith’s 80s, ahem, classic “Nightmare On My Street”. Supposedly, there was a video, but it was scrapped when the Nightmare On Elm Street people were unimpressed by the song’s not-so-subtle references to their movies. Listen to the song here.

#8 Tom Petty, “Zombie Zoo”
In a funny coincidence, I put Tom Petty’s Full Moon Fever on my iPod just recently, because I always forget I have it and even though I love Tom Petty, I only know a few songs from it. While hanging around, doing our thing, the Tamboosh and I heard “Zombie Zoo” come up on shuffle and, of course, it caught our attention. It being Tom Petty and all, it’s not really about zombies, but it sure it catchy and a zombie zoo (if considered literally, that is) is too great of an image to pass up.

#7 Bobby “Boris” Pickett, “Monster Mash”
Yeah, it’s obvious, but it’s a classic. Plus – did you know that Leon Russell played on “Monster Mash”? Or that the BBC banned it on its original release in 1962 for being ‘too morbid’?! Or that a new version (one of many) called “Monster Rap” was released in 1985 to try and capitalize on the new popularity of rap?!?! (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

#6 Banjo Kate, “Zombie Jamboree”
I don’t know anything about Banjo Kate, or where this version of “Zombie Jamboree” came from (other than the Queens of Noize Folking It Up compilation), but it’s absolutely lovely. And about zombies. Who doesn’t love zombies? In my very quick search about this track, I learned that “Zombie Jamboree” is a pretty old song and has quite an interesting story, go check it out.

#5 The Five Blobs, “The Blob”
So awesome. There’s really nothing else to say. Listen here.

#4 Michael Jackson, “Thriller”
Again – pretty obvious. But there’s dancing zombies. And Vincent Price! This is the ultimate silliness, with a thin layer of cult-y cool. Admit it, you love “Thriller” and its absurdity just makes you love it more.

#3 The Doors, “Riders On The Storm”
Not a spooky song like some of the others on this list, but “Riders On The Storm” creeps me out. It’s all thunderstorms and abandoned dirt roads and perhaps the abandoning of bodies on the side of said roads. Creepy.

#2 The White Stripes, “Red Death At 6:14″
Is it me or does anyone else find the la la la las in this song kind of spooky? It’s like the voice belongs to the ghost of a little girl in pigtails and a pretty pink dress. The whole thing is just weird and vaguely sinister. But in a really good way.

#1 Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, “Red Right Hand”
“Red Right Hand” is, without a doubt, the creepiest song of all time. Nick Cave’s voice is all dark and menacing, the music sounds like the slow, heavy footsteps of a crazed killer. I don’t really get scared easily, but this song might seriously creep me out if I played it alone at night. It’s very threatening and makes the hair on the back on my neck stand up. A Halloween #1 if ever there was one.

Happy Halloween!

We’ve already looked at the one-hit wonders, but what about the artists that managed to taste sweet success a second time? For the full list go to Spinner.com, but here are some of my favorites of their staff’s selection of two-hit wonders.

Kim Wilde
‘Kids in America’ (No. 25, 1982)
‘You Keep Me Hangin’ On’ (No. 1, 1986)

Bean recently posted about Kim Wilde’s first hit. The thing I learned from this chart is that you never ever put out a cover if you haven’t had more than one chart topper. It’s the kiss of the death for your musical career, as demonstrated by this Wilde cover of a Supreme’s hit.

Blue Öyster Cult
   “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” (No. 12, 1976)
“Burnin’ for You” (No. 40, 1981)

Aw, I love “Don’t Fear The Reaper”, but I’m not so crazy about their second hit. It sounds too much like it should be on a John Hughes movie soundtrack. My favorite Blue Öyster Cult tidbit is that they started the random umlaut craze. Without them there would be no Mötorhead, Mötley Crüe, or Spinal Tap (for some reason my keyboard doesn’t do umlauts on the N. Go figure.). I’m still not sure what the proper pronunciation of the ö is in these cases. Who cares when it’s so visually pleasing.

Golden Earring
“Radar Love” (No. 13, 1974)
“Twilight Zone” (No. 10, 1983)

Ooo oo, I just saw the singer cross the street on my way home the other day! He still looks like the frontman of a two-hit wonder rawk band. That is: leather pants, big shiny earrings, and sunglasses on a cloudy day. It was marvelous. I like “Radar Love”, but living in Amsterdam and the fact that Golden Earring is a Dutch band means you can hear this song every hour on every freaking classic rock radio.

Young MC
   “Bust a Move” (No. 7, 1989)
   “Principal’s Office” (No. 33, 1990)

I’ve been making fun of these bands a little bit until now, because Young MC is flippin’ brilliant and one of these days I’m writing him a proper post, but I thought he had more than two hits? He also wrote BOTH Tone Loc’s hits also in Spinner’s list. So either way, he really does have more than two hits. Spinner asks the question whether that makes him a two-hit wonder God. I say, you’re darn tootin’ it does. Stone Cold Rhymin’ is still one of my favorite records. I had it on tape, but it was gutted and ruïned by a really crappy walkman. That was a sad day. With a bass by the Chilli Pepper’s Flea and Young MC’s dynamite lyrics, his first hit was was destined for greatness, but I LOVE “Principal’s Office” with its adorable rebellious high school student theme.

The Presidents Of The United States Of America
“Lump” (No. 21, 1995)
   “Peaches” (No. 29, 1996)

Ehm, this isn’t right, is it? What about “Mach 5″ and “Kitty”? I wonder what charts Spinner uses for its references, because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hit. Anyway, I loved their first album, but didn’t really keep up with them after it. They reformed in 2004 and just released a new album in March.

The Knack
“My Sharona” (No. 1, 1979)
   “Good Girls Don’t” (No. 11, 1979)

My Sharona has a legendary status in my world, but I totally forgot “Good Girls Don’t” was by The Knack. It’s a nice sounding song, but the lyrics are a bit … bewildering. The first verse says:

She’s your adolescent dream
Schoolboy stuff, a sticky sweet romance
And she makes you want to scream
Wishing you could get inside her pants

Combined with the chorus ‘Good Girls don’t, but I do’, it makes for a really rather disturbing song about adolescent lovin’ written by a 26-year-old. And if there’s anything Madonna’s last tour taught us it’s that the words Sticky and Sweet only sound not disgusting when they refer to candy.

Spin Doctors
“Two Princes” (No. 7, 1992)
“Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” (No. 17, 1992)

I associate these two Spin Doctor songs and KC & The Sunshine Band’s “Play That Funky Music White Boy” with all those cheesy cover bands that play weddings, birthdays and bat/bar mitswas. I always get the feeling that these kinda songs have caused many-a embarrassing drunken uncle to tie his tie around his head and bite his lip while he boogies on down with his eyes closed and his fists in the air.

The Power Station
   “Some Like It Hot” (No. 6, 1985)
“Get It On (Bang a Gong)” (No. 9, 1985)

Oh man, “Some Like It Hot” is still one of the hottest songs ever! That crazy choppy beat, Robert Palmer’s sultry voice and the horn section, it all screams giant shoulder pads and making out at office parties with Bob from Accounting. The Power Station was an eighties supergroup with members of Chic, Duran Duran and that guy who married Pamela Des Barres fronted by Robert Palmer. I never heard their version of “Get It On”, but see Kim Wilde if you want to know my views about covers as second singles.

It’s been quite a long time since we looked at the current singles charts, so this week we’re going to use the BBC Radio 1 Chart Show list and pick on the Top 10.

#10: Biffy Clyro, “Mountains” (YouTube link)

To be honest, I don’t get Biffy Clyro. There’s nothing bad about this, I just don’t understand the total devotion some people have with this band. In any case, they’ve dropped two positions since last week but are still rocking out in the Top 10.

#9: Kid Rock, “All Summer Long”

I’m sort of shocked that this song is doing so well in the UK. It’s also dropped two places but has been in the chart for 11 weeks – erm, all summer long, as it happens. This single sounds particularly American to me, and to tell you the truth, a little bland for Kid Rock, so I’d never have expected it to be such a big hit on this side of the world. I do however, like the use of the “Sweet Home Alabama” riff and choir in the chorus, so it’s got that going for it.

#8: Madcon, “Beggin’” (YouTube link*)

Holy crap – rap from Norway?! Who knew? This is pretty cool, the video’s got a whole 1970s Shaft / Foxy Brown thing going on and the song is ridiculously catchy. I’m curious what else Madcon will bring us now that they’ve broken through to international charts (as far as I can tell, this is their first big hit).

#7: The Script, “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved” (YouTube link*)

The Tamboosh once told me her theory that groups like this are the boy bands of the 00s. This totally proves her point.

#6: Eric Prydz, “Pjanoo” (YouTube link)

Hmm, dance-type music is one of the few genres I don’t really listen to, so I can’t judge if this is any good or not. I didn’t hate it, but it didn’t convert me into a dance/techno (dude, I don’t even know what to call it!) fan, either. What’s up with the tiny Indians?

#5: Rihanna, “Disturbia” (YouTube link*)

I’m usually quite impressed with Rihanna and her willingness not be exactly like every other gorgeous singer out there in Popland. Sadly, this single is kind of a dud for me – it’s not different enough to stand out, like her singles often do, and it’s not catchy enough to make up for it.

#4: The Pussycat Dolls, “When I Grow Up”

Since I don’t get paid for this, you can’t make me listen to the Pussycat Dolls. Seriously, I won’t do it.

#3: Cliff Richard, “Thank You For A Lifetime” (YouTube link)

Oh, dear. I couldn’t skip two in a row, could I? This is pretty much as painful and cringe-worthy as I expected it to be. Please say this is a farewell / retirement song – that might improve it a little.

#2: Katy Perry, “I Kissed A Girl”

I’ve read a lot about Katy Perry but not heard her music until now. This single is apparently very controversial, which I guess should be expected, but it all seems a little silly to me. Though, to be fair, if it wasn’t, it probably wouldn’t be so popular. It’s a decent enough pop song, pretty much what pop should be, in my opinion: catchy, danceable, fun – but let’s face it, it’s no “Umbrella” or “Crazy In Love”.

#1: Kings Of Leon, “Sex On Fire” (YouTube link*)

Ah, the mighty Kings Of Leon at #1, right where they should be. They get a tiny bit more stadium with every release, but that’s not a bad thing, as long as they continue to hang on to that Southern grittiness that made them so great in the first place. This feels more John Cougar Mellencamp than any of their previous singles, but I can get down with that. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really looking forward to Monday’s release of Only By The Night – we can always do with a little more KOL in this world.

And there you have – another week, another totally in-depth chart investigation here at 100b. Until next time…

* Sadly, these YouTube channels won’t allow embedding on these videos. Which, of course, is completely absurd since it’s basically free advertising. What the hell is up with that?! Hrmph.

With the Hoo-Ha! of the Democratic and Republican National Conventions now behind us and the next two months set to be a knock-down, drag-out fight to the finish between the Obama-Biden and McCain-Palin campaigns, I got to thinking about presidential campaign theme songs of the past. I’m thinking here about those from 1960 to the present, the era in which television and radio really changed politicking for the Oval Office.

As usual with the Internets, someone has already been there and done that (see Singing Their Way To The White House by Suzanne Baran). However, I thought I might do a quick rundown of the official (or semi-official but widely used) campaign themes songs and see if a few were actual hits.

1960 – John Kennedy vs. Richard Nixon

The Kennedy campaign stumped to “High Hopes” while Nixon pinned his hopes on the painfully titled “Click With Dick” theme. “High Hopes” was the 1959 Academy Award winner for Best Original Song in 1959 and a Frank Sinatra version reached #30 in the Billboard Hot 100. No question in terms of which was going to capture the popular imagination.

1964 – Lyndon Johnson vs. Barry Goldwater

You can’t go wrong with a campaign song based on the tune of a current hit Broadway musical. Johnson campaigned with “Hello, Lyndon”, a variation of “Hello, Dolly”. During 1964, numerous artists covered the musical’s feature song: Petula Clark, Bobby Darin, Duke Ellington, Ella Fitzgerald, Judy Garland and Liza Minnelli, Marvin Gaye, Benny Goodman, and Frank Sinatra. Louis Armstong even bumped The Beatles off the Billboard Hot 100 #1 spot with his version. How could “Go With Goldwater” possibly compete with that?

   Louis Armstrong – Hello, Dolly!

1972 – George McGovern vs. Richard Nixon

I couldn’t find the Richard Nixon theme for the 1972 campaign, but the ill-fated McGovern politicos went with the beautiful but not terribly energizing “Bridge Over Troubled Water” by Simon & Garfunkel, a Billboard Hot 100 #1 for six weeks in 1970.

1976, 1980, 1984

Jimmy Carter used a song about a Georgia farmer and Gerald Ford used “I’m feeling Good About America”, so we can rush around those. In 1980, Ronald Reagan used “California Here I Come” and, in 1984, used the Springsteen #9 Billboard Hot 100 “Born In The U.S.A.” … until, that is, The Boss told Reagan’s re-election machine to stop.

1988 – George H.W. Bush vs. Michael Dukakis

In a burst of backhanded irony from an extremely wealthy candidate, George Herbert Walker Bush used the Woody Guthrie people’s classic, “This Land Is Your Land”, to trounce the tank-driving Michael Dukakis supported by Neil Diamond’s 1981 #8 Billboard Hot 100 hit “America”.

1992 – Bill Clinton vs. George H.W. Bush

No New Taxes came back to bite Pappa Bush in the ass, the land was no longer his, and Bill Clinton couldn’t wait until tomorrow after using Fleetwood Mac’s 15-year-old #3 hit single “Don’t Stop”.

1996-Present

Bob Dole was, of course, a “Dole Man” (think “Soul Man”) in 1996, despite most deciding they weren’t. Then we get into more recent memory. Among a handful of songs, Dubya used Tom Petty’s Billboard Hot 100 #12 “I Won’t Back Down” and Van Halen’s 1992 video classic “Right Now” to counter the decades old BTO hit “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” used by the Gore campaign. Interestingly enough, as if predicting later troubles, Tom Petty apparently threathened to sue the Bush campaign if they didn’t stop using his song and Van Halen added George W. to their “Right Now” video during the 2004 tour along with the words “right now nothing is more expensive than regret.”

   Johnny Cash – I Won’t Back Down

Whatever your musical tastes, if you’re eligible to vote in the November elections, make sure you get out there and make yourself heard! (And if you’re not sure who to vote for, I suggest Obama-Biden.)

I was hoping that the sad, sad weather lately was just a passing depression, but it has gone on long enough for me to realize the parade of different shades of grey isn’t going anywhere. I’m trying really hard to hold on to that sunny Summer feeling of earlier in the season with some help from About.com. They have compiled the top ten songs of the Summer from official charts since 2000. You can check out the lists in full here, but I’m just gonna post about the number one songs, because I figured they must have the most potent dose of summery goodness, right?

Well, hold on to your umbrellas folks, because here are the number one songs of the last eight Summers!:

2000

   Aaliyah – Try Again

I have to admit I get a little embarassed whenever I hear this song, because for the longest time I thought the lyrics were ‘if you flush it goes to sea’ instead of ‘if at first you don’t succeed’. I thought it was weird she was singing about where poop goes and I really didn’t understand why you had to ‘dust yourself off and try again’ afterward, but I never thought to look it up. I don’t even want to think about how many times I’ve made a fool of myself in public, because I loved this song so whenever it came on I sang it loud and oh so proud.

2001

Lifehouse – Hanging By a Moment

Hmph. It doesn’t exactly scream fun in the sun, does it? But it is insanely catchy and stays in your head like a flesh-eating worm.

2002

   Nelly – Hot In Herre

Now that’s more like it! Sadly, Nelly hasn’t dished out as many big contagious instant hits lately. This is a classic, thanks to this song, nobody pronounces the phrase ‘hot in here’ the same again. Even when I try to say it the right way my tongue inevitably lingers a liiittle too long on the ‘rrr’.

2003

   Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z – Crazy In Love

Definitely THE BEST song in this list! It’s the most amazing Summer anthem and it never fails to get my blood boiling. If you’re days have been as dreary as mine this is the ultimate three minute remedy against the cloudy blues.

2004

Usher – Confessions, Pt. II

Man, that’s a lot of drama for a Summer hit. It’s about some guy who knocked up his mistress and has to confess the whole sordid affair to his girlfriend, not exactly the kind of song you think of for your BBQ party mix.

2005

Mariah Carey – We Belong Together

Well, you gotta give it up to Mimi. Before this song blew up – when she was known as “Mariah Scarey” or as I called her “insane” – I was so sure she was going to be just another segment on a ‘Whatever Happened To …’ type show, but she clawed her way back into the pop world’s bossom and it looks like she’s here to stay.

2006

   Nelly Furtado feat. Timbaland – Promiscuous

The new more boobalicious Nelly Furtado has been getting some criticism because her videos are steamier and she’s showing more skin than in her “I’m Like A Bird” days. I don’t really give a crap, her music still rocks and compared to some teenybopper pop princesses her videos are damn near demure. She and Timbaland have made superb songs, so it’s no wonder that their combined powers produced gems like these.

2007

Fergie – Big Girls Don’t Cry

Naaaahh, there is no way … Everybody knows Rihanna and her Umbrella owned the Summer of 2007! And I’m not just saying that because I have a thing against Fergie. It’s hard to explain why I can’t stand her so I won’t bore you with my half-assed explanation, but this can’t be right. Anyhoo, I’m not so sure About.com got their figures straight. That makes me question every other entry as well … Man, I’m so glad I based this whole post on their shoddy data.

Isn’t it funny how you can get totally into The Olympics yet have no interest in sports whatsoever? Knowing you don’t really care at all, you still have this intense need to watch the Long Jump. Seriously – I’m watching rowing right now. Rowing. What’s that all about? I call it being Olympnotized. To kick off this year’s world-wide Olympnosis, I was planning on giving you all a run-down of past Olympic theme songs.

Sadly, the New York Times beat me to it.

So, if you’re interested in decades of Olympic cheese, go check it out. Since all eyes are on China right now, I decided instead to have a look at Chinese pop culture and see what those crazy kids are listening to over there. I found this chart on yesasia – it’s a couple of weeks old, but it’s the best I could do in a language I can actually read. So, let’s have a look at the top 5 …

(Note: the titles of these songs can be seen at the yesasia link above – I have absolutely no idea what they mean.)

#5

This is, apparently, “Lam Man Lung” by Juno featuring Softhard. It’s a smooth funky R&B/hip-hop-ish jam, not at all unpleasant. I seriously wish I could understand what they were singing about because I’m incredibly curious if the flashy virtual reality video has anything to do with the song. In any case, I love the bit at about 1:08 with the robot-y voice – I could listen to that all day long.

#4

I couldn’t find a proper video for this one, but at least you can check out the song. It’s listed on yesasia as Kay Tse, but – according to my shaky research – is actually Kelvin Kwan featuring Kay Tse. This song is odd – it’s hip-hop-ish in some of the vocals, but also a little like a Chinese Evanescence song.

#3

I think one is my favorite of the bunch – Ms. Ivana Wong is adorable and even though I have no idea what’s going on, it’s quite catchy. But what on earth is going on with the bar codes and paint and stuff?

#2

I have to admit, I watched this video twice and I’m still not sure what happened with this couple. And that has nothing to do with a linguistic or cultural barrier, only my own inability to understand the constant time shifts. No matter what happened to these guys, Kary Ng proves that breaking up is hard and love songs are relevant anywhere.

#1

And at the top of the chart, here is Fama, another hip-hop-ish song. Funny how all of these songs could be popular anywhere if they were in a different language. I love these guys – the song itself isn’t the kind of thing I’d expect to hear pumping from my stereo though it does kind of suck you in about halfway through. Mostly I love how they’re regular-looking and, well, kind of dorks. They make me incredibly happy and I’m glad they got the top spot.

So there you have it – a little taste of a land far far away. Now I have to go give my attention to some swimming heats that I don’t really care about.

Regular readers already know I loves the hip hop. Thinking of a topic for my Zany Charts at-bat, I began to wonder about the build up to hip hop chart success. I mean, the pre-history between, say, Debbie Harry fashion-rapping on “Rapture” in 1980 and before the 1986 cross-over success of “Walk This Way” (Run-D.M.C.) and the Beastie Boys’ Licensed To Ill. I’m talking about the five or six years after hip hop was already firmly rooted in the inner cities and when it spread into a wider national and international consciousness.

What were some of the key moments and trailblazing tracks that lead to rampant chart success in the 90s and Naughties? Not necessarily what were the best tracks (though most of these are undeniable classics) or what were the most successful within a slice of the American cultural pie. I’m talking about what were some of the keys that really launched hip hop to a wider audience when there were still industry insiders, commentatories, average joes actually saying, “This is just a passing fad.”

The first emcee to sign to a major label (Mercury), Kurtis Blow released “The Breaks”, his second single, in 1980. The song broke into the Billboard R&B Top 5, eventually went gold, and Blow’s appearance on Soul Train would be the first nationally televised performance by an emcee.

   Kurtis Blow – The Breaks

The Funky Four Plus One became the first hip hop group to appear before a national television audience, performing their Sugarhill classic “That’s The Joint” on the 1981 Valentine’s Day broadcast of Saturday Night Live hosted by none other than Debbie Harry.

   Funky Four Plus One – That’s The Joint

Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five need no introduction and the 1982 single “The Message” is a big part of the reason why. Among the first hip hop tracks to speak to inner city life and problems, “The Message” peaked at #62 in the Billboard Hot 100 and has since been sampled many times over.

   Grandmaster Flash And The Furious Five – The Message

Herbie Hancock and Grand Mixer D.ST’s “Rock It” and Kurtis Blow’s “Basketball” (off the 1984 Ego Trip) are the two earliest hip hop tracks I can remember. I wasn’t completely hooked just yet, but I clearly remember these as the start of my hip hop journey. “Rock It” would be the first solid hit to prominently feature serious wheels of steel.

   Herbie Hancock – Rock It (ft Grand Mixer D.ST)

Considering the style of Blow’s relatively popular “Basketball” in 1984, to hear “The Show” by Doug E. Fresh and the Get Fresh Crew, featuring Slick Rick, in 1985 marked the sea change coming in hip hop. This was the dawn of the future.

   Doug E. Fresh – The Show (ft Ricky D a.k.a. Slick Rick)

And, if “The Show” was the dawn, then Eric B. & Rakim were the true morning of hip hop, blowing the doors off with “Eric B. is President” in 1986. This was the new benchmark by which hip hop albums and emcees would be measured. From there, there was no turning back for hip hop and its growing legions of fans.

   Eric B & Rakim – Eric B Is President

I’ve been known to be a bit derogatory when it comes to the whole green craze. Of course it’s a good thing when people protest for the things they care about, especially when it’ll make the environment a priority in politics. I just don’t like feeling like I’m being guilted into caring about certain causes. I know that the world is a precious place, so I try to make the right decisions because I simply do care. Not because I’m scared I’ll kill the children of the future, or exterminate the mighty elephant because I dared to use more than one sheet of toilet paper. I’m on Earth’s team – gooo nature! But sometimes I get the feeling that the whole eco-scare has gotten a bit out of hand. And don’t even get me started on Al Gore’s Nobel Peace Prize. Woodsy Owl has been telling the world to ‘give a hoot, don’t pollute’ since 1973, where’s his prize??

But I digress, I came across a site called Ecorazzi recently, which has the latest in green gossip. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as green gossip, let alone that it had a whole site dedicated to it. While I marveled at the greenness of it all, I came across an interesting post about the Top Ten Most Eco-Friendly Songs from canada.com.

10. Midnight Oil – Dreamworld (1987)

“Dreamworld” is a single from Australian band Midnight Oil’s 1987 album Diesel & Dust, which is filled with protest songs, highlighting the plight of the Aborigines. The lyrics ‘Farewell to the Norfolk Island pines, no amount of make believe can help this heart of mine’ gave this song its spot on this list.

   9. The Pretenders – My City Was Gone (1984)

In this amazing song Chrissie Hynde laments the loss of the pretty Ohio countryside of her childhood with the lines: I went back to Ohio, but my pretty countryside had been paved down the middle by a government that had no pride.

   8. Pixies – Monkey Gone To Heaven (1989)

One of my favorite Pixies songs! It doesn’t force its message on you, in fact I’m ashamed to say that after at least a thousand listens I only recently made the ‘green’ connection. I just thought it was another abstract Pixies song, like the cryptic “Caribou”. “Monkey Gone To Heaven” tells of the ocean dying and the hole in the ozone layer, but never gets preachy even though God (he’s seven) is mentioned in the end.

7. Black Sabbath – Into The Void (1971)

This song is a strange mix of doom and hope. On the one hand, we’re all doomed because the earth has been taken over by misery, pollution, and satan, but then man takes off with their rockets to ‘find another world where freedom waits’. So don’t fret, we’re gonna be fiiine, we’ll just keep planet-hopping till we get it right. See, Sabbath is not all about gloom and destruction.

6. Marvin Gaye -Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology) (1971)

The beautiful “Mercy Mercy Me” is poignant and dreamy and would be much higher on my own personal list, because it’s still very much alive thanks to covers by The Strokes and John Legend & Alicia Keys.

5. Tracy Chapman – The Rape Of The World (1995)

Not exactly an ambiguous title, but then Tracy Chapman is not one to mince words. She accuses mankind of horrible crimes against nature with such a calm and controlled voice that it’s almost more disturbing than if she’d screamed it out. Personally, I like my songs a bit more ehm mysterious. I like having to analyze the meaning of a song myself, so I can selfishly feel like I own just a tiny little bit of it. But I do appreciate that sometimes an important message is best left as simple as possible.

4. Jackson Browne – Before The Deluge (1974)

“Before The Deluge” is a great seventies folk song and sounds more like a Christian Rock song if it weren’t for the lines ‘some of them were angry at the way the earth was abused by the men who learned how to forge her beauty into power’.

   3. Cat Stevens – Where Do The Children Play (1970)

Ahhh Cat Stevens. Remember when he was denied entry into the US because he was on a ‘terrorist watch list’? “Where Do The Children Play” is just another reason why it’s highly unlikely that he knowingly had anything to do with anything to do with terrorism. Just leave the man be and enjoy his sweet, gentle songs.

   2. Joni Mitchell – Big Yellow Taxi (1970)

I love her music, but I think Joni Mitchell is totally intimidating. Sometimes you hear reports about her outbursts during concerts, whenever she feels people are acting inappropriately. She seems so intense and serious, which makes it all the more surprising that this song still sounds so breezy and fresh. It doesn’t feel like she set out to write a song accusing people of ruining the world. She merely reports what she sees and it just happened to result in a beautiful and profound song.

   1. Bruce Cockburn – If A Tree Falls (1987)

Oh dear. I’m really really sorry, really. I know he’s a very serious artist who is all about the earth and trees and flowers and all that wonderfully important nature stuff, but I can’t help but chuckle whenever his name comes up. At heart, I’m really just a three-year-old who thinks farts are hilarious and Cockburn would make an awesome porno name. Heh heh … Cockburn. So thank you Ecorazzi for this excellent chart! We’ve always only heard the gloomy side of Global Warming, but it also gave us these songs and Bruce Cockburn. His name almost makes up for either freezing to death on a giant block of ice, or burning to death in a fiery, disease-ridden hell pit … depending on what impending ecological doom theory proofs to be correct.

Alrighty, that’s more than enough from me, I leave you with a magnificent rendition of the number six in this chart.

    The Strokes ft. Eddie Vedder & Josh Homme – Mercy, Mercy Me

During a visit to Rough Trade East last weekend, I picked up Best Of Grand Royal 12′s, a collection of, as the smart folks at Rough Trade note, “not strictly legit” Beastie Boys remixes released in September 2007. Beasties? Yes, please. Remixes? What more could a remix whore like me want?

Michael (Mike D) Diamond, Adam (MCA) Yauch and Adam (Ad-Rock) Horovitz have been making The Music – in one guise (punk) or another (hip hop) – since 1984. After two and a half decades in the biz, having sold in the neighborhood of 20 million albums (20,000,000, otherwise known as alot) and sprouted more than a few gray hairs, the trio are giants of music, yet still manage to maintain their independent streak and underground sensibility and respect.

Between 1985 and 2008, these three goofballs have made their presence known with 14 Top 50 singles in the United Kingdom (three of them Top 10) and six Top 100 (four Top 50) singles in the United States. I have to say, having observed U.K. charts since my days spent lounging around WPTS in the early 90s, they’re just that much more adventurous over here. What is usually underground or college music in The States has a fighting chance for wider success in Britain. Example: Singles off Ill Communication didn’t really get a sniffle in the U.S., but reached #19 (“Sabotage”), #19 (“Get It Together”) and #27 (“Sure Shot”) in the U.K.

It always fascinates me when artists have mega-multi-platinum album success over the course of decades while not hitting huge peaks of singles chart success. These always seem to be the most respected performers. Year-in, year-out they practice their craft, honing, refining and expanding what makes them legends. The Beastie Boys fall into this category. They jumped into the public eye with Licensed To Ill in 1987 and haven’t looked back. And, while they haven’t torn up the charts, a new Beasties album is always anticipated.

All Hail! those Boys from the Boroughs!

   Intergalactic (Strawberry Bath And Jelly Soles Instrumental Version)
   (Original #28 U.S., #5 U.K.)

   The Negotiation Limerick File (Handsome Boy Modelling School Makeover)
   (Original #29 U.S. Modern Rock Chart)

   Sure Shot (Green Mix)
   (Original #27 U.K.)

   Blondie – Call Me

The tiny Bean sprout might also have come across the song while watching the Muppet Show with aDawgg, a mere puppy back then. They left out the verse about rolling around in designer sheets, but it’s still the Muppets and Debbie Harry rocking out for the kids to a song about a man-whore, which is just a little bit disturbing:

Lastly, a very special, non-zany chart related, but super festive clip that means a lot to our generation. It’s also a good reminder of why the upcoming “new” Beverly Hills 90210 *barf* could never EVER live up to the old classics. Take it away, Lavoiiine!

I found this wikipedia list and got ready to go find those videos on youtube. Which is when I discovered that someone’s already written my post, and they did a way better job than I had planned to do. Sigh.

If you’re interested in the most absurdly expensive videos ever made, and what exactly made them cost so damn much, go here:

Crazy Topic: 10 Most Expensive Music Videos

And marvel at how you barely remember most of them.

Except for Missy Elliot, she’s badass and her videos (especially around that time) were always pretty awesome.

   Missy Elliot – She’s A Bitch

Who’s leading the ENTIRE world in singles sales this week? And, I mean WHOLE WORLD!

Thanks to the magic of the Interweb, we know, with at least a moderate degree of certainty. According to the German hit watchers at Media Traffic (which I have to say might be a bit dodgy based on their site), the United World Chart has this week’s Top 5 worldwide singles hits as …

   1.Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love (four weeks at the worldwide #1 spot)
   2. Madonna – 4 Minutes (ft Justin Timberlake)
   3. Mariah Carey – Touch My Body
   4.Flo Rida – Low (ft T-Pain)
   5. OneRepublic – Stop And Stare

Lewis has blown-up da jernt since winning 2006 edition of The X Factor and, strangely enough, I’m actually glad she’s doing as well as she is.

And what about this week’s albums around the world?

   1. R.E.M., Accelerate
   2. Exile, Exile Catchy Best
   3. George Strait, Troubadour
   4. Aiko, Himitsu
   5. Vasco Rossi, Il Mondo Che Vorrei

R.E.M. No surprise there. But, I gotta say, Aiko must be mad loved in Japan to make an appearance on the world charts. Unless there is a serious underground market for pop music from Nippon.

Curious about what the Top 5 ALL TIME albums are accordingly to the United World Chart?

   1. Michael Jackson, Thriller
   2. Eagles, Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975
   3. Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin IV
   4. Pink Floyd, The Dark Side Of The Moon
   5. Fleetwood Mac, Rumours

That’s it for Those Zany Charts … this week. Until then, keep those charts alive.

There would be no charts and therefore no Zany Charts if Billboard hadn’t made the glorious and innovative decision to document America’s best selling records in a handy weekly list simply named the Best Selling Retail Records 68 years ago. Now Billboard hosts about a gajillion charts selected by theme and genre, it boggles the mind. The Forties were a simpler time, there was only one chart that gave the readers the most popular records in one glimpse. Every self-respecting music magazine all over the world has followed suit since then, and has given us the opportunity to poke fun, scrutinize, and analyze these lists of songs. But it all started with this first chart from the 27th of July 1940.

1 Tommy Dorsey with Frank Sinatra & The Pied Pipers – I’ll Never Smile Again
2 Jimmy Dorsey with Bob Eberly – The Breeze And I
3 Glenn Miller with Ray Eberle – Imagination
4 Kay Kyser with Sully Mason/Trio – Playmates
5 Glenn Miller with Ray Eberle – Fools Rush In
6 Charlie Barnet with Mary Ann McCall – Where Was I?
7 Glenn Miller – Pennsylvania 6-5000
8 Tommy Dorsey with Frank Sinatra – Imagination
9 Bing Crosby – Sierra Sue
10 Mitchell Ayres with Mary Ann Mercer – Make-Believe Island

It’s a regular Big Band-a-palooza! With the exception of Bing Crosby these songs are all credited to the, then extremely popular, conductors and their orchestras. Now the vocalists take center stage, but back then the Big Band conductor was the one that got top billing. This is why different versions of “Imagination” can occur in the same chart. I wonder if there was any rivalry between those that favored the Tommy Dorsey version and the Glenn Miller fans. I imagine Big Band Offs, where the two groups would stand across from each other with their record players and play the different songs while heckling the other side. The sweet and dreamy “I’ll Never Smile Again”, was a huge hit. It topped the charts for 12 whole weeks, but it was only one of forty songs the twenty-five year old Frank Sinatra recorded with Tommy Dorsey. My favorite song here is “Pennsylvania 6-5000″, I LOVE everything about it. It’s to Big Band what The Champs’ “Tequila” is to Rock ‘n Roll, but with the added bonus of a ringing phone.

#15 We Are Scientists – After Hours

I’m not a huge We Are Scientists fan, but their singles are always catchy as hell. And they’re always good for a laugh. Plus, dogs are funny.

#30 The Futureheads – The Beginning Of The Twist

I am, however, a massive Futureheads fan. I wasn’t too impressed when this first started playing – it felt like maybe they’d lost some punch. But “The Beginning Of The Twist” worms its way into your brain pretty quickly and by the end of that first listen, I loved it. Like most Futureheads singles, despite my initial reaction, this has anthem written all over it. Plus, it’s always nice to see one of your favorite bands do well in the charts.

#48 Mystery Jets – Young Love

Hmm, I actually thought the Mystery Jets broke up. Shows how on top of things I am. Anyway, this is a lovely single. Absolutely charming. I can’t claim to know how this compares to other Mystery Jets songs – I only know a couple of their songs – but I’m quite taken with this. What a great sound to have floating about as Spring finally starts to break through the grey.

#72 Estelle ft. Kanye West – American Boy

(There’s no proper video available on youtube that I could find, but at least you can check out the song)

Is Kayne West secretly King Midas? Everything that man touches is pure gold. This doesn’t seem like much because it’s so simple – an unpretentious 70s disco feel with an irresistible chorus – but that’s exactly what makes it so good. Sometimes less most definitely is more – I’ve heard it once and I’m still happily humming it to myself.

#88 Manic Street Preachers – Umbrella

And we have a winner. The mark of a truly great pop song (or any song, actually) is if someone can come along and move it to a completely different genre and it’s still awesome. This Manic Street Preachers cover of last year’s massive Rihanna hit is Flippin’ Sweet.

Look at that. There’s enough good stuff in the singles chart this week that I made it through the whole thing without making fun of anyone. That’s nice.

As everyone well knows, the Oscars were dished out last Sunday. Which got me thinking about the Oscar Best Song winners that reached #1 in the U.S. charts. Thanks to the wild and wonderful Intertubes, here are the Academy Award-winning Best Original Songs that have reached #1 since 1955, the year Billboard created the Hot 100. (Beware: A few songs are listed that didn’t quite manage to eek out #1. These are included because they came so damned close.)

1956 – “Whatever Will Be Will Be (Que Sera, Sera)” (The Man Who Knew Too Much) just missed out on reaching the top spot, but managed to peak at #2 and garners a mention because it takes more than a decade before …

1969 – “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head” (Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid)

With the dawn of the 1970s, the Oscar winning original song really begins to make its presence felt, beginning with the Isaac Hayes classic.

1971 – “Theme From Shaft” (Shaft)
1972 – “The Morning After” (The Poseidon Adventure)
1973 – “The Way We Were” (The Way We Were)
1976 – “Evergreen” (A Star Is Born)
1977 – “You Light Up My Life” (You Light Up My Life)
1980 – “Fame” (Fame)

“You Light Up My Life” saw a Debby Boone version which not only topped the charts in 1977 but went on to become one of the biggest selling singles of the decade. “Fame” tried to song and dance its way the top spot but ultimately stalled at #4.

Then we hit the Mother of All Movie Theme Song decades. The big, bad, bold 1980s. Winning the Oscar for Best Original Song was like a free pass to a #1 hit.

1981 – “Arthur’s Theme (Best That You Can Do)” (Arthur)
1982 – “Up Where We Belong” (An Officer And A Gentleman)
1983 – “Flashdance … What A Feeling” (Flashdance)
1984 – “I Just Called To Say I Love You” (The Woman In Red)
1985 – “Say You, Say Me” (White Nights)
1986 – “Take My Breath Away” (Top Gun)
1987 – “(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life” (Dirty Dancing)

The 1990 Best Original Song winner, Madonna’s “Sooner Or Later” from Dick Tracy missed out on potential chart success after being pulled as a single in favor of the controversial “Justify My Love”. The four-year drought was broken when Disney rained on Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” parade with …

1992 – “A Whole New World” (Aladdin)

Having shanked Houston’s record-breaker, “A Whole New World” would succumb after only a single week at #1 to the tour de force known as Snow and his signature “Informer” (lick your boom-boom down).

Again four years pass before Ms. Dion dropped the ubiquitous single for James Cameron’s epic.

1997 – “My Heart Will Go On” (Titantic)

And, yet another four year lull in chart success! Then, the Academy finally acknowledges the existence of hip hop by awarding its, then, bad boy, Eminem an Oscar.

2002 – “Lose Yourself” (8 Mile)

Since “Lose Yourself” we’ve seen the 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 and now 2007 Awards come and go without Oscar seeing singular chart success.

Huzzah! Those Zany Charts …

I was actually looking for the songs that are most frequently used in movies, but so far I haven’t come across an accurate list yet. I always wonder who picks the songs for some of these movies, because if “Respect” comes on during another female empowerment scene, in yet another chick flick, I swear I’m gonna switch genders. I might come back to the most overused songs later, but it needs some digging around. Instead, let’s have a look at the songs that topped the American Film Institute’s list of best songs featured in movies.

1. “Over the Rainbow”, The Wizard of Oz (1939)
2. “As Time Goes by”, Casablanca (1942)
3. “Singin’ in the Rain”, Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
4. “Moon River”, Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)
5. “White Christmas”, Holiday Inn (1942)
6. “Mrs. Robinson”, The Graduate (1967)
7. “When You Wish Upon a Star”, Pinocchio(1940)
8. “The Way We Were”, The Way We Were (1973)
9. “Stayin’ Alive”, Saturday Night Fever (1977)
10. “The Sound of Music”, The Sound Of Music (1965)

Mmm, dusty. The majority of songs on the AFI’s list of a hundred are from long before Tom Hanks was known as more than just ‘the curly haired one from Bosom Buddies’. It seems, the more we get to the top of the chart the older the tunes get, but I guess it has to have the weight of many years of success and reverence by the general public to truly earn the title of classic, at least according to the AFI. Most of these songs set a mood of sad reflection or hope for the future. So if you want to write a hit movie song be sure it will sound good over a close up of a pondering Barbara Streisand, a jubilant Julie Andrews, or a sullen Humphrey Bogart.

Here are two bands that proof that a truly great songs will always be celebrated:

   Happy Mondays – Stayin’ Alive
   The Flaming Lips – Over The Rainbow
]]> http://onehundredb.com/2008/02/15/those-zany-charts-17/feed/ 0 Tam http://onehundredb.com/2008/02/01/those-zany-charts-16/ http://onehundredb.com/2008/02/01/those-zany-charts-16/#comments Fri, 01 Feb 2008 13:59:08 +0000 Julie http://100b.wordpress.com/?p=470 ]]> Let’s have a look at one hit wonders today. The most commonly used meaning of a “one hit wonder” is someone who has come to be known for just the one song, although they may have had some chart success with other releases. We all know loads of these and some of them made truly classic pop songs: The Knack’s “My Sharona”, The Buggles’ “Video Killed The Radio Star”, Sugarhill Gang’s “Rapper’s Delight”, Dee-Lite’s “Groove Is In The Heart”, and (as we learned last week) Digable Planets’ “Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat)”.

Other definitions of the term exclude artists who ended up having a full, healthy career, despite having only one single in the charts. I want to look at this the other way around. I’m curious about artists who have come to be recognized as great or influential – or whose songs are now so well known, you’d swear they had a hit every week – but still only ever had one chart hit. This does get a little tricky, because there are a good number of artists who had only one popular song in the US but were much more popular in the UK, and vice versa. Plus, some of these artists may have hits in the more specific genre-based charts, but only one in the mainstream pop singles chart (based on Top 40 hits). But this being a short exercise in curiosity and not an in-depth research article, we’ll just have to work around those things. Here’s just a handful I picked out:

#20, 1968: The Jimi Hendrix Experience – All Along The Watchtower

The Jimi Hendrix Experience had a good number of hits in the UK, and did pretty well in the US albums chart, but only this one lonely singles hit in the US which only made it to a measly #20. Pretty surprising, since Hendrix was pretty much considered a visionary guitar god even in his own time.

#1, 1971: Janis Joplin – Me And Bobby McGee

A couple of her albums did pretty well in the US, but she never did have a charting release in the UK.

#10, 1973: T. Rex – Bang A Gong (Get It On)

Marc Bolan and his fellow bandmates only reached #10 once in the States, but had 15 Top 20 hits in the UK, four of which were #1 hits. I guess the Americans just didn’t get on board with the whole glam thing like the British did.

#16, 1973: Lou Reed – Walk On The Wild Side

Lou Reed, despite being godfather to all sorts of genres today, has done rather dismally, chart-wise, on both sides of the pond. “Walk On The Wild Side” made it to #10 in the UK and a slightly lower #16 in the States.

#14, 1980: Devo – Whip It

Devo had a slighter better presence in the lower depths of the UK charts than the US, but “Whip It” didn’t even chart over here. Luckily, Americans liked at least that one single and gave Devo their only hit.

#33, 1999: Ol’ Dirty Bastard ft Kelis – Got Your Money

Of course this wasn’t Kelis’ only or even biggest hit, but it was the ODB’s one solo success before his death in 2004.

Obviously, there are more recent examples — Cornershop – “Brimful Of Asha (Norman Cook Remix)” (1998), Eels – “Novocaine For The Soul” (1996), The Cardigans – “Lovefool” (1997) — but it’s a little too soon to really call any of these bands true one hit wonders. By the very nature of those fickle pop charts, you just never know when they might hit it big again.

Happy New Year everybody! 2007 was named Year Of The Dolphin by the United Nations Environment Programme, it was Year Of The Pig in the Chinese calendar and, my favorite, European Year Of Equal Opportunities For All! I didn’t know years got themes, is that new? I like it, it sounds like a communist hippie came up with it. I have no idea what they thought was going to happen after they gave the year such a magnificent moniker. I don’t think anybody else knew the EU thought up themes for us either, so I have a feeling that we didn’t get more equal opportunities than other years, but it’s a nice sentiment. This year’s theme is Intercultural Dialogue! Right … or as they say in Swahili: Vizuri. Anyway, it’s still a little early for nostalgia, but let’s have a look at the songs that rocked our world last year.

Here’s the World’s Top Ten most popular singles of 2007 according to the United World Chart:

10. Mika – Grace Kelly
9. Plain White T’s – Hey There Delilah
8. Justin Timberlake – What Goes Around Comes Around
7. Avril Lavigne – Girlfriend
6. Timbaland ft. Keri Hilson & D.O.E. – The Way I Are
5. Maroon 5 – Makes Me Wonder
4. Gwen Stefani Ft. Akon – Sweet Escape
3. Fergie – Big Girls Don’t Cry
2. Nelly Furtado – Say It Right
1. Rihanna ft. Jay-Z – Umbrella

All in all a good bunch! I do however have an inherent aversion to Fergie and Avril Lavigne’s lyrics are so painfully bad that it hurts me a little to listen to it. Oh and, “Hey There Delilah” makes me yawn. It’s monotonous and dreary, there’s no change in mood or pace, but it’s good music for pondering life, or ending it. Alright I’m sorry, I started out positive but it turned into a bitter moan fest. The rest really is testimony that 2007 was not a bad year in Pop music, maybe a bit unadventurous, but not bad at all. We got Mika who sounds like a Bee Gee channeling Freddy Mercury with “Grace Kelly”. And there’s Gwen Stefani who shows a hint of Kylie post-Neighbours with “Sweet Escape”. It doesn’t touch Gwen’s best work, but it is sweet. I didn’t really get Akon’s popularity, but he does deliver the good pop, so one of my new resolutions is to stop bitching about him. And then there’s Justin. He could sing about the traffic, for all I care, and I’d listen to it and like it. But there can only be one who rules all! This year Rihanna sang her way into our collective cerebella-ella-ella. Though “Umbrella” is a great song, I can do without the barrage of cover versions by Biffy Clyro, McFly, My Chemical Romance, fellow chart mates Plain White T’s, that pretty Youtube chick and more, Mandy Moore.